I want to preface this by saying I’m a 20 year-old white female. Which I think is an important and fair aspect in terms of why I wouldn’t of been invited. My two best friends are Muslim, we’re kind of like a trio group.

Tonight I found out I wasn’t invited to an EID event they went to and I have mixed feelings about being a little sad, but also understanding as I myself and Catholic. Although we don’t have the same religious beliefs entirely, we all respect each other immensely and it’s never been an “issue” in our friendship.

I wouldn’t say any of us are hyper-religious, which may sound a little funny but we all kind of do things that go against our beliefs (which we know is bad and we’re all collectively working on it) and don’t always celebrate big events. However, EID is an important time for both of them in terms of their values and their family. They both live away from their family, so one of them flew back during EID and the other one stayed here as her family live further away.

When my friend who stayed said she was feeling down about being away from her family and not celebrating, I tried my best to accomodate for what I could. I offered to take her out for dinner and get dressed up nicely, or bring food over. I was looking at the foods that are traditionally eaten on EID and was trying my best to find places that would have the things she likes. We didn’t end up going out or doing anything as her boyfriend went over to spend time with her instead, and she didn’t feel like eating any of the food as I’d bought dinner for the both of us the night before and it was similar to what is generally eaten on EID.

On the first day of Ramadan, I’d also purchased dinner for my other friend so she could break her fast with me as I wanted to do something nice for her. She didn’t end up completing Ramadan due to personal things but I tried my best to try understand and learn so I know what I might be able to do to make her feel more at home.

I think part of the reason I feel a bit sad is because sometimes I feel like a convenience and I always make sure they’re invited to things I attend. For example, I’m the only one with both a car and license so I take them everywhere when I can, which ofc any good friend would do. I’ll buy one friend dinner and products she needs as she didn’t have a job up until today (which I referred her to and helped her get as I knew the person hiring), the other I bring along to all my family events and when she misses home, I call up my mum and make sure she’s awake (or I wake her up lolol) so my friend can come over and have some motherly attention.

They absolutely always do what they can for me too and have been the best emotional support I could’ve asked for as I’ve kind of hit a rough and exhausting patch in life. Working 3 jobs and a full-time uni student while dealing with some ongoing mental and physical health issues isn’t easy, and they’ve been my absolute rock.

I love and adore them so much and think of them as my best friends. I just get worried that sometimes that feeling isn’t mutual and it makes me a little sad. Well I know for a fact it isn’t mutual with one of them as she referred to me as her “second best friend” because her “top best friend” she doesn’t see all that often and it makes their friendship better. Idk that kinda hurt my feelings cause not seeing her is unavoidable, we work two jobs together (which I got both of them for her without interviews n stuff), picking her up and dropping her off to work, letting her use my car to go home if she finishes before me… idk I think I’m clinging to it a bit, but I haven’t mentioned what she said to her because I feel like I’m being unreasonable and overreacting

I feel like that’s made me sound kind of cocky or like I’m holding something over her head, which I’m not I’ve never mentioned it- I just mean that I see her all the time from studies, work and just hanging out because we’re always around the same areas.

There’s a lot more to it, but to make an even longer story a bit shorter, I’m just a bit bummed I wasn’t invited or even told what that they were gonna celebrate. I know I shouldn’t feel this way as I’m not Muslim and don’t really have a right to celebrate with them, but it would’ve been really nice to be there or at least had an invite. I also understand i don’t need to be invited or included in everything that they do, I just can’t shake the feeling of being bummed.

EDIT: I did forget to mention that this is the third event and because it’s in a student accomodation, the way we all host events (not just my friends mentioned but others that host events) is a little different. Basically for these events, because everyone’s away from family, friend groups and “friends of friends” are invited. The last two EID events that were hosted had people from all religious backgrounds where everyone came together to make food and celebrate while away from family and the people they’d traditionally be with. I hope this provides a little more context and I apologise advance for not mentioning it sooner

I would also like to say, regardless of that I still do completely understand not being invited and think that the events people host don’t have to cater to everyone. I just wanted to provide a little more context !