So I (22F) graduated college last weekend and had a small ceremony since our school only gave us two tickets each. I invited my parents, and afterwards we planned a little celebration at my aunt’s house, where more family could join.

My cousin Marcy (19F) has been going through a rough time—she’s very into what she calls “comfort costuming,” which is kind of like cosplay meets therapy. She wears certain outfits or accessories that help her feel “safe and grounded.” Most of the time, it’s subtle—like fingerless gloves or funky hats. No one really minds.

But she recently made this massive jellyfish hat, like, full-on tentacles dangling down, blinking LED lights, and some kind of lavender scent diffuser built in. It's honestly impressive, just not… discreet.

She wore it to our family dinner a week before graduation, and I (kindly, I thought) asked her not to wear it to the actual ceremony or the graduation photos afterward. I said she could wear anything else, but just not the glowing squid hat, especially because it’s MY graduation and I didn’t want all the attention on… a bioluminescent hat.

She got really quiet and then said “It’s not about attention, it’s about stability,” and that I was being ableist and dismissive of her healing process. She ended up not coming at all, and my aunt said I “chose aesthetics over compassion.”

But I genuinely wasn’t trying to be cruel. I just didn’t want my graduation pictures—which I only get once in my life—to look like a marine-themed rave. And I told her she could wear anything else, even her cape with embroidered mushrooms. Just not the jellyfish.

AITAH?