I’ve (29F) been married to my husband (27M) for two years now, together for nine years total. He is the youngest of 3, his dad’s only son. This of course has resulted in his parents being incredibly protective of “their baby” for our entire relationship. I’ve had a good relationship with my parents for the most part my whole life, and have never had issues with previous partner’s parents. I’m a family person, and have tried to go out of my way for years to see them, I’ve missed holidays with my family for the sake of their gatherings, call them regularly, involve them in decisions ect., and since day one his mother has not liked me.

I’ve earnestly tried to be as nice as I can, ignoring her rude remarks and projecting everything she doesn’t like about her son as my fault. She’s told us how we shouldn’t get married, shouldn’t have kids, how she won’t come to our wedding if we invite people she’s burned bridges with (her siblings), how I’m the reason my husband my not graduate college (he graduated on time with honors). I’ve taken it with as about as much grace as I could for the sake of peace and my husband’s happiness. He did try to warn me just to ignore her and told me that’s what he’s been doing his whole life, but I did believe a closer relationship with her was possible.

A couple of years ago, my mother who was my best friend, passed away. She needed a transplant and was in her 40’s, much too young to die. The year leading up to this, his mother would make remarks about how she’s probably fine, and how she’s a nurse and how my mom is probably misunderstanding the doctors and that she probably isn’t that sick (my mom was also a nurse). Once my mom passed, I’ve found it nearly impossible to be around his mother and to hold my tongue when she’s being rude. My best friend who I used to vent to about my monster-in-law was now gone, as well as my support system for handling this woman.

This all came to a head when a month later after my mom’s passing, my husband was hospitalized for abdominal issues. This was at the start of Covid, so only one guest was allowed each day. She would try her damndest to get there before I did, even on the days my husband told her it was my day to visit. I’d find her around the halls of hospital when she wasn’t supposed to be there, trying to get information from his doctor because she thought her son was not telling her everything (we did not have answers) and she ended up yelling at him in his hospital bed about how he needs to remember whose insurance he’s on and how she can take him off of it, leaving him with hospital bills. I’ve never looked at her the same since.

That was four years ago and since then, we’ve move away and taken distance, the relationship has improved with space. He was rehospitalized in September with the same issues, but this time we had answers. This did not stop her from bossing the nurses around, trying to strong arm the doctors into doing unnecessary tests, and generally micromanaging everyone who came into the room. This was stressing my husband out, and he asked me to talk to her about it.

I confronted her in the hallway about how this was slowly becoming disaster hospital stay 2.0 (I said this in much kinder words), and she exploded. She shoved me, called me all sorts of names, about how she’s his mother and she has every right to be worried. I retorted that we were all worried and that she needs to respect her son’s wishes since he is the patient and she replied “I don’t give a fuck what he wants.” This is the moment I lost all hope for her. I told her she was dead to me, called her names right back, said my priority was her son, and went back into his room. She was asked to leave, and he did not allow her at the hospital for that stay again.

It’s been 6 months since then, and she’s still blocked in my phone, I haven’t seen or spoken to her. They’ve kept minimal contact, and my husband is conflicted on what to do. I want absolutely nothing to do with them, I’ve been their punching bag for a better part of a decade and have always been the one to get the short end of the stick. I’ve had it up to here with them, and I would be happy if we never saw them again. He has another surgery coming up, and his parents have expressed how they want to come into town and be there for my husband and take care of him post operation. He asked me how I felt about it since he’s felt pretty distant from them anyways, and I said absolutely not. I have no more empathy for them, she’s blown the chance of being the supportive mother twice, and his dad just stands by and watches, he says he won’t go against his wife even if she’s wrong, so I don’t care about his feelings either.

He told them we would be okay here and he just wants to focus on healing and getting better. They’ve been pushing back against him, calling me selfish and saying they know it’s my fault and that I’m a terrible person for keeping them from their son. This is the first time I’ve ever stood up to their behavior, and I’m starting to feel like a jerk for keeping a divide in their family, even if my husband feels the same way. They’re telling the whole family (the one’s that will speak to them anyways) that I’m keeping him away from them and that I’m being controlling and manipulative, and I just need someone else’s opinion on this. AITAH?