I am planning to do an archery beginners course, which I had been interested in for a while. I have two close friends, and we usually do activities together unless one is unavailable for whatever reason.

One friend, we’ll call her Yasmin, is a bit more adventurous than the other (Sarah), and Yasmin is more likely to agree to activities and plans. I met up with Sarah last weekend, and Yasmin was not there as she was away on holiday. I mentioned to Sarah, without asking her if she wanted to join me, that I was starting this archery beginners course, which was starting the weekend after. Immediately she jumped at the idea of doing it, and it was a welcome surprise. I sent her the link to the course and was very happy that I’d have company.

I didn’t tell either of them about the course before because I hadn’t seen them physically, and I didn’t ask them if they wanted to do it because I thought it would be too much of a commitment for them, and a bit pricey. I just wanted to start archery because it looks fun. Also, I didn’t bother texting Yasmin about it because she was on holiday, and wasn’t responding that much at the time as she was busy. If I am being honest, it didn’t occur to me to tell her about it.

This weekend, Yasmin texted us to see if we were available to do something. Then, we told her about our archery plans, and asked if she wanted to join us, even if it was very short notice. She declined, and later on texted us to say that she was hurt that she wasn’t informed of this earlier, and feels that we only told her because she texted us first. She said that she always includes us in plans, and got the impression that we had been planning this for weeks without her, when I only told Sarah last week and it was a spur of them moment thing for Sarah.

Am I the asshole for not telling Yasmin? Sometimes I am clueless and it genuinely did not occur to me to let her know.