hear me out!

like a lot of people on this sub, i don't really care if i'm the asshole, but i desperately need to tell this story for insanity factor alone.

context: i, 18M, am not close to my birth family. for good reason, i was put into foster care at 14 and formally adopted at 16 (yay). my parents and i dont speak, and i rarely see my grandparents, aunts, and uncles.

this only comes up because i also knew i am FtM transgender from a young age. i transitioned gradually, cutting my hair and getting new clothes once i left my bith family's home and not starting hormone therapy for about 2 more years. this made it very convenient to not tell my hyperreligious grandparents about it. i told some family that i trusted and asked them to keep it private, but i was 100% sure it would go horribly, so when they visited i would put on some old clothes and call my bald fade a pixie cut lol.

eventually my grandfather passed away, and then my birth mother also passed suddenly. my grandma did not write a eulogy and instructed me not to write one (i wrote one). she also refused to plan any sort of funeral or memorial (i planned one). i know she was probably in shock from losing her only child, but she was very unfair to my siblings, our mother's husband, and our family friends, going so far as to say no one would come anyway (about 25 people came to the event i planned, some flying in from accross the country to attend).

because of this, things were tense. honestly, i was frustrated with her and was avoiding her whenever possible (which was a lot because like i said, we were distant to begin with). she was kind of still pretending her daughter didn't die, but eventually, after over a year, she agreed to give my siblings and i some of her belongings and ashes because even though we lost a shitty mom, we still lost our mom.

it was at that point when a traitorous family friend decided to tell her i am transgender. i only foundout because she started shit talking me to my 14 year old sister, who did not agree with her of course. she egged her on, asking if "the treatments worked" and if i'm "a boy yet". only my siblings but not me ended up recieving her possessions, ashes, and memorial cards which is crazy because I PLANNED THE MEMORIAL!!! i recognize now that this was a little diabolical but i wanted my birth mom's stuff before i left for college. i sent her the following text message:

"Clearly you are going through something right now, but it's very uncomfortable for Sister and Brother when you are telling them obviously untrue things about me to get a reaction and fish for gossip. The only "treatments" I can think of that you might be referring to is me taking a hormone called progesterone for my period pain. I explained this to you before but I would reccommend looking it up if you are confused. It has no masculinizing effect. You sound delusional, honestly that sounds like something crazy my parents would have said."

yea okay it looks worse than ever in this reddit post but if it makes you feel better it didnt work lol. ngl i blocked her after because i just don't want to hear about it, i know shes going to do some religious guilt tripping and i am just over it. i kind of think she had it coming but my (typically extremely supportive) adoptive parents didn't like it. AITAH?

TLDR: granda is holding my mom's ashes hostage after finding out i'm trans. i was very rude about it🥴