Hello! Long time lurker, first time poster. I (32f) want to know if I am the A-Hole for withholding two different recipes that I created myself. I would consider myself a very experienced home cook. I have crafted and perfected many recipes over the years but I’ve had quite a few recipes that really stand out, and two in particular ‘take the cake.’ They are gluten free cake recipes. One is a chick pea based angel food cake recipe, and the other is black bean based chocolate cake recipe.

No exaggeration at all, and this isn’t just to toot my own horn either. Whenever I have made either of these cakes ( or cupcakes ) for any occasion, I have numerous people approach me saying that they are the best cake / cupcakes they’ve ever had in their life and ask me for the recipe. People don’t just simply say they are the best gluten free cake they’ve ever had, but the stand alone best cake / cupcakes they’ve ever had.

They aren’t just gluten free but also dairy free and much lower sugar than regular cake so they fit a variety of dietary restrictions.

I have sold these recipes on two different occasions. Once to a university culinary program and the second time was to a local chef for a gluten free food festival where they also sold ‘celiac friendly recipe books’ to which I got included in the sale proceeds. These sales amounted to just over $900.

My friends and family ask me for these recipes, and although I do feel kind of bad, I always tell them no. I do have a dream of creating a cookbook one day, and although I’m not actively working on the cookbook every day, I have worked very hard for years at creating my collection of recipes and I’ve expressed this dream to my family many many times.

Recently a close relative asked me for the recipes so they could make these cupcakes for a significant anniversary milestone party they are throwing at their house. I did apologize but told them no, and that I don’t give out these recipes, but since I am invited to the party already I said I would happily make them the cupcakes and even custom decorate them however they wished. I offered to do custom icing flavours or anything they wanted. I offered this all for free as my gift to them. (This would be a party of roughly 60-70 people)

They proceeded to get upset with me and said I shouldn’t be ‘gate keeping’ these cake recipes. That the family has eaten my cake enough times that it is basically a ‘family recipe’ now. And that I am just ‘being selfish’ by not giving them a recipe that I know they and their spouse can both enjoy. As one is a diabetic and the other is celiac.

I’ve now been told by another relative that I’ve been uninvited from their party unless I am willing to gift them these recipes as a compromise (This all happened about a week ago and the party is supposed to be in 1 month) There must be a full moon because just last night I had a similar situation with a friend about the angel food cake recipe… however it wasn’t as dramatic. For the sake of post length I will save the details.

But this has all lead me to needing to write this down and ask Reddit…. Am I the A-hole?