So I genuinely don't know if I'm being a bad girlfriend but I feel hurt and sad and a bit lonely about this. And sorry in advance I'm a ranter

My boyfriend (Z) and I have been together for almost 3 years. We love each other very much and he is very good to me. I know I can be sensitive and get angry quickly sometimes, he always reassures me and I adore him so much. I just really wanted an opinion on this

Z and I have both been a bit sick lately but we're recovering and still going to work. We went to work today and texted throughout the day. Talking about how we can't wait to get home and cuddle and just lay in bed together

Z manages a store a while away and is a great manager. I am very proud of him for how hard he works. I am not a manager but I know I work hard at my job too. We both love telling each other little work stories and chatting about our jobs because we are very passionate about them. Both of us rarely take sick days

I came home early today because I felt like crap (only an hour but it meant I could get home quicker as I would be avoiding rush hour) and had a shower and wanted to relax and rest. Z and I were chatting on his lunch and he mentioned how he needed something for work (he mentioned this a day or two ago but I forgot to check on it - and I was excited to hear about it because I love feeling like I help him out with little things) I found what he needed on a stores website and told him I could place a click and collect order and we could collect it on Thursday and make a mini random date of it (one of our days off together - and yes a mini date, I'm lame😂) and he said it would be better to get it sooner as it's a little more urgent and asked if I could pop down to the store and collect it today (it's only 10-15 walk away but I really didn't want to leave the house) and I said I kind of just wanted to stay home and relax and didn't want to go out when it was going to be busy at the shops (a reason I left work early). I'll be honest I got kind of worked up and whined quite a bit about it and he got annoyed and said "don't order it, don't worry, thanks for nothing, byeeee" and hung up.

I was pissed off and texted to remind him how I remember an occasion when he was sick and took a day off, I asked him to collect a wash we had taken to the laundromat and another chore or something and he told me how he took an extra day off to relax and not to get chores done. After I texted, he sent me a pic of an order confirmation and said it's all sorted.

We didn't really text the rest of the day and when the store closed I texted him asking if he was on his way home.

When he got to the station I asked him what he'd like for dinner and he texted back "I'll see what I feel like after a few pints" which did make me VERY angry and I texted him a bunch that it's unbelievable that a few hours he was telling me he couldn't wait to see me and now he can he's not coming home. He said he just wanted to chill out and unwind with a drink. For context he's done this before. We both keep saying how we're trying to be healthier but I don't know how that will happen if weekday evenings are for drinking too.

A few months ago, I was very down and didn't want to go out much at all. And when we did go out I'd be a bit antisocial and want to go home early. Quite a few times I left without him or I didn't come out with him. We had a conversation where he told me how he's feels more comfortable going out together and leaving together and how he doesn't want to ever seem to our friends like we are distant. And that in relationship, starting to do these little things without each other can lead to growing apart. I did understand and I admitted I never thought about it that way. I still haven't been as social as I was ages ago and sometimes I can get grumpy when we're out and be moody and keep asking when we're going home or threatening to go home on my own or guilting him but I am trying to compromise and be less quick to anger

I told him how he was going against what he said and I was really really angry and upset and texted him loads and loads over the past hour and a half. I told him how I felt I wasn't his priority and I wasnt as important to him as he kept saying. That he could have come home but he didn't. That it did make me feel lonely and like he ditched me. That is proved I'm not his priority, he'd rather go drinking. (By the way, I really don't think he's cheating on me. Sending me pics of our mutual friend at the pub he's at and they're texting me too)

I did give him a lot of shit and repeated myself a lot but he never acknowledged it and never said he recognised the double standard and just kept saying "I love you, you are my priority, you are important to me, see you soon xxx" I kept getting more annoyed and just angry texting him.

He was saying how I've been very negative and how it wasn't anything to do with me, he just wanted to unwind and go for a drink. And after I pushed a bit more, he said that he was sad and he wanted to include me in a work thing which I do love and I got mad and whiny. That he feels very drained and like he was bullied.

Maybe this is petty because I do get that. I was rage texting and Im not the best at being calm and I can rant a lot (as you can see) but I'm not apologising until he actually says he gets where I'm coming from.

Am I being an idiot?? Am I completely in the wrong?

I'm sorry for so many small details I just feel like it's fairer if I give every single detail.

EDIT: I've just sent him these So a few pints after work has turned into the whole evening and a lot of the night. You have really shown me I am not your priority and it is sad, hurtful and concerning and makes me feel like a discarded option for you. You can keep texting me saying you love me and I'm important but your actions have shown the complete opposite. You are really showing me what is important to you and it's not me

I understand I rage texted you quite a lot and I am trying to be calmer with these messages. You haven't acknowledged your double standards. You haven't acknowledged I'm hurt. You have just said empty statements that your actions don't really prove to be true

I am feeling sad and lonely and a little concerned because this really shows me I am not as important as I think I am and I think we need to talk about it at some point. Because I am feeling very hurt and like you have just thrown the time we could have spent together tonight away instead of coming home and resolving the disagreements we had today