This will be a very long one, brace yourselves.

I will try to not leave out any details as I don't want to seem like a perfect person in this story. I (26F) have been in a relationship with my Korean boyfriend (30M) for a year and 4 months. We met on tinder at a time where I was unsure of what I was looking for. I had been single for about 3 years, during 2 of those I had gone through an exploration phase (not something I am very proud of, but I was going through a rough time then). Before the age of 23 I had gone through 3 serious relationships, all of which weren't that great and somewhat traumatized me. After my last relationship I went about a year without being intimate with anyone, which frustrated me a little as I had confidence issues. I eventually moved out on my own in a new city and went through what some would call a \"hoe\" phase, in 2 years I went up to a body count of almost 40 (again not something I am proud of, but it happened and I can't change that). PS. this was discussed with my boyfriend the first day we met as it came about in a conversation we we're having.

When my boyfriend and I matched on tinder I was at the time regularly seeing someone casually (which I had been honest and told him the day we met). As we were unsure about what we wanted, he didn't say anything about it. About a week or two passed after we met for the first time he asked me if we could become exclusive, to which I agreed (keep in mind I had been been seeing someone else when we met, and had seen the other person once between us meeting and him asking for us to be exclusive). After that I stop seeing the other person and also stopped talking to him. I wasn't actively speaking to anyone else but also did not unfriend anyone, just let them know I was seeing someone exclusively. about another two weeks went by and I (somehow don't remember how) brought up becoming official, and we had a long conversation about it and made it official.

Here is where I made the first mistake (keep in mind my last relationship lasted about 3 years and started when I had just turned 20. Had hardly been single since the age of 14). I had become out of touch on how to act in a relationship and had asked him if he was okay with me keep a person I had only met twice on snapchat out of pity to send a single streak snap per day (this person had begged me, and I felt bad. I now know how ridiculous I was to even suggest I do that but I did) and he said he was okay with it. Our relationship progressed and this other person had started to try and talk to me to which after a few days I deleted and blocked. This made my boyfriend very uncomfortable and made him get mad at me, I at the time was surprised by his reaction because he had told me it was okay to keep sending 1 snap a day (which I did) and as soon as I knew it wasn't going to happen that way I deleted and blocked the other person. That was the first thing that went south in our relationship. Also later on as I was going through my snapchat we came across a contact that I had completely forgotten about and automatically deleted but he was still mad at me about having this person as a contact.

A couple of months went by and he suddenly asked me if I had slept with anyone after we met. Now I, to this day, still believe it's best to be honest but I regret being honest when I told him yes and reminded him I had told him I was seeing someone else when we met. This sent him off and he felt I had cheated on him and was on the verge of breaking up with me. Calling me all sorts of names such as a slut and more. Eventually this passed and we were okay again. Bit every once in a while he would suddenly remind himself of my body count and call me a slut or compare me to a prostitute, to which I would get upset about and end up crying. He would eventually apologize and I'd forgive him. Bit the more it went up the more upset I'd get everytime (telling him he didn't need to stay in a relationship with me if he felt so strongly about my past) he would apologize everytime and we'd move on from it.

He had some health issues arise about 6 months into our relationship, and he spent a few months in and out of the hospital. During this time I would spend all of the days I had off from work with him and even spent many nights by his side. I was very worried about his health and wanted to make sure I could be of as much help and support to him as possible. When he got out of the hospital I had offered a couple weeks after for him to come visit my family which required us to take a short plane ride. And unfortunately he peaked a fever while being there and we flew back right away and went to the ER where he got admitted for another few weeks (i now realise my offering him to come was immature on my part). During his stay my birthday came around and I had made plans with a friend who had booked train tickets to come see me. I still made sure to visit him but couldn't stay as long as I usually did due to my friend being in town. I went to a concert a few days after my birthday and had the opportunity to go meet the band VIP (i found a post from someone offering a free vip ticket on a fan page as their ex had cheated on them) my boyfriend seemed for it at the time but now says he was uncomfortable about it and after the concert suggested I cheated on him at the concert with the much older man who was generous enough to give the ticket away for free. That made me upset and made our relationship quite rocky and I was already stressed out with him being ill.

He later got out of the hospital and thankfully made a full recovery. We were able to celebrate his birthday together but that night he went through my snapchat again. I had a contact who I hardly ever spoke to and had only ever met once (nothing ever happened between us) but this person had sent some pretty explicit messages to me to which I only ever laughed about because I thought of them as jokes and nothing was ever going to come about with this person. But my boyfriend took it seriously and again was going to break up with me. We had finally been in a good place and I wanted to fight for our relationship. It was hard but after a while he was somewhat normal with me again.

Months have gone by and we have moved in together. Now almost everyday he will make some comment about my past, like how many people I've slept with, and call me names. Even made comments on my weight (I'm struggling to loose weight after loosing 40lbs) like calling me fat. He recently suggested we do something different in the bedroom and I didn't feel comfortable with it so I said no. I then said "you would say yes to all those guys but you always say no to me" which hurt me deeply.

AITAH for not wanting to forgive him anymore? Or have I been the one in the wrong this whole time? I do want to save this relationship, but I need someone else's perspective to see if I'm the one who needs to change and reflect on myself. I don't know what to do anymore, posting on here is my last resort.