Me (40f) and my husband (42m) live abroad while pur families of origin stay in the home country. We visit them every year for one month.

So last summer during our visit we had a get together with the extended family of my H - MIL, BIL, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles and their spouses, overall around 15 people at the table. Males sitting on one side and the female on the other.

So my BIL (39m) somehow started a convo stating that men shouldnt help women lay the table or clean the table after parties, its female responsibility, and overall men who help women around the house are suckers. Most of the people just remained silent, I told him- yeah, now I see how you guys cannot find a GF, he doubled down further and them after back and forth he tapped my H‘s shoulder and said „My brother is a sucker too“ and laughed. My H answered smth pathetic like- you‘re an idiot.

He told me BIL just jokes and he is just like that.

The year before he told our daughter in front of us -„I could kick your fathers a.. if I wanted..“ and loughed. My husband again said something like -shut app you ah bit still everything looked line a pathetic try to shut the ah.

BIL is jobless the last 10 years and survives from support of my H the last 2 of the completely with no desire to find a job or learn smth…

AITAH giving my H hard times for not kicking BILs a.. and or somehow stopping such behavior? I have an impression he is the scapegoat of his family…

Edit: I dont mean physically besting BIL. Sorry if I used the wrong phrase. I would expect him to set a boundary with BIL and be firmer. Not just lough…