i know you may think I'm abnormal or weird for hating my sibling but i can't take it anymore. I'm 18 and he's 9 which makes this sound even more absurd. i know and I'm sorry i just physically can not take it anymore. i never used to hate him, when we were younger we were really close he was like a little handbag for me almost. but as he grew he started actively trying to irritate me more and more until he was straight up targeting my weaknesses. I've always been sensitive to certain sounds and when he figured that out he started using it against me. i would try talk to him and explain i didn't like it but he'd just laugh at me and say he wants to get me mad. i remember literally crying to my parents begging them to tell him to stop at least when I'm around. they said i was to old to be getting upset and yelled at me and punished me.

it's gotten to the point where by everything he does just pisses me off i try to not let it affect me i really do but he just seems to know what to do to get me going. he points out my insecurities like he'll say I'm fat and that my back is ugly or that my scars are ugly an nobody will love me. my mom will here all of this and say nothing. there's been times I've lashed out and called him annoying or a bastard which I'm not proud of. but it seems that's the only time my parents care about what he's doing. I've tried hiding in my room but he'll come outside my door and scream, I've tried sleeping during the day and waking up when he's asleep but he comes to wake me up just so he can scream at me. my parents say its my fault and that I'm the problem and I'm starting to think i am. so i tried to leave but they didn't let me saying i have to have a relationship with him.

I'm just so tired of seeing my mom dad and brother loving each other and showing each other affection after he cusses me out literally calling me a fucking bitch. its like the don't care about me and how i feel. and now it seems everyone's telling me I'm the problem so i really am starting to think i am. there's times he will tell me he wants to get me in trouble and proceed to lie to everyone and tell them I've done something i haven't just so i get hit or my phone taken away ( yes I'm 18 and my phone still gets taken from me ) nothing i do helps. my parents have also been saying they can't wait until i leave for university and never come back and that I'm a horrible person and they don't know how they had me and my brother when we're so different. almost on a daily now because they say I'm always causing problems for their family. there's a lot more I'd like to explain but this post will get to long. if you read this thank you and i just want to know if I'm the problem here and what to do because I'm just so tired. i cant even have a meal with my family because everyone looks at me with so much hate now like I'm a burden. I'm being financially starved and the only thing the pay for that involves me right now is my school fees.

I'm sorry i know this is stupid, I'm sorry for wasting your time i just needed to vent.