Disclaimer: FYI before reading, I just want to make it extremely clear that I have nothing against sugar babies/k!nk/sex work! This is not me disparaging anyone involved in these - for me this is an issue of trust and, in my personal case, a potential dealbreaker for a long term relationship.

In August, after having spent a good year or so getting over an ex and just having one night stands, I (38 M) finally met a woman (33 F) on Hinge who I really, really hit it off with. It was so good that even after the first date, it already felt like we had known each other for ages. She was literally exactly my type in terms of appearance and I found her conversation and personality incredibly magnetic - she is funny, sarcastic, and a little on the loud and dramatic side, which I happen to like. We became mutually exclusive pretty early on and we spend most of the evenings either at her place or mine.

However, before going ahead with taking things to the next step, I had a few nagging issues and questions about her that I was pretty nervous to get the answers to. She does not come from a wealthy family, quite the opposite, and her job, which is sort of a mix of being a personal shopper and executive assistant, pays OK but is hardly a high-paying job, especially by London standards. This in itself isn't an issue, but what makes me concerned is that she lives in a flat (Americans this means apartment lol) in Knightsbridge (probably the most expensive place you could possibly live in this city), owns a lot of luxury items (LV bags, designer jewellery etc.), and has stories (and photos) from these incredible holidays she has been on (Maldives, South of France, Portofino etc).

I had some suspicions that her past may not have been exactly what she said it was from the beginning. Firstly, she is seriously beautiful but definitely a little bit more "extravagant" let's say than your average woman, and she dresses in a way (which I love) that you don't really see out and about too often. Her aesthetic is definitely a little on the glamorous side let's say - and that in itself also isn't an issue. Secondly, when we have been going out to some fancy restaurants and bars, there have been at least a few occasions where ostensibly wealthy and older men have given her recognising looks while she has visibly attempted to ignore them. In one case, one made conversation with her while she was coming out of the bathroom to go back to the table where I was. I could audibly hear him say something along the lines of "how have you been?" before she quickly rebuffed him. Finally, and again this in itself isn't a problem on its own, (and sorry if this is TMI) but she has a lot of sex toys in her flat (some of which I didn't even know existed) and probably the largest lingerie collection I have ever seen a woman have.

Anyway, this brings me to about a month ago when I was on this subreddit and I saw a post about this woman who hired a digital private investigator to look into her husband and had found out a bunch of stuff. I know it isn't super ethical to have your partner's digital footprint analysed etc. but I was genuinely serious about marrying this woman and having kids together - and I couldn't just flat out say: "oh I think you have a past you're not telling me about" or "I don't understand how you can afford any of this." So once I got the OSINT investigator's contact details, I explained the situation to him and he offered to give me a full snapshot of her "digital footprint."

After a few days, I got sent a report which shows that she has at best been failing to mention a big part of her life to me and at worst has just been lying. There isn't anything online about her personal shopping/assistant work but there is plenty about other things. Turns out she has: 1) a profile on a sugar baby website, 2) an OnlyFans account, and 3) has adverts listed of her offering sexual domination services. Obviously, I felt pretty shocked and a little sick. It's not that these are "wrong" things but I felt like I had (or at least was supposed to) know everything about her by this point. Not to mention that, for me, having done this sort of thing is simply a dealbreaker - my parents are conservative and I have a public role - that may get more and more public in the future.

Now the photo she has on the sugar baby site is from a few years ago - so it could be that she just made it off the cuff or used to dabble but hasn't done it seriously or if she did, hasn't done it in years? Also, the OF accounts hasn't been posted on since September of last year - so fairly soon after we started dating - it could be that she felt bad about it and stopped doing it but didn't want to tell me? Finally, the most concerning stuff, is the dominatr!x ads that were found. The investigator mentioned, however, that there were loads more that were removed and that it was just these two left.

Basically, it seems like even if she did do all these things to make money, they are not part of her life currently and maybe I should give her some credit for that? If I am able to get over it all, maybe I could pay to have these things scrubbed from the internet completely?

I could basically use a lot of advice - especially on:

1. How do I bring this up to her without mentioning I used that digital investigator?
2. If she did do it in the past but stopped doing it, can we wipe all evidence of it?
3. I love her, my family really likes her, so surely I might be able to get over it all?

I really hope this is just all from the past. The digital investigator himself even suggested these accounts appear inactive. But how do I even start the conversation without revealing I've gone this far? And if she confirms it is behind her, can I realistically erase the online traces?"

TL;DR: I love the woman I am with but she likely has a past of sex work that I am not sure I am comfortable with. How do I approach the subject with her?