Throwaway because I’m not ready to tie this to my main.

I (34F) have been with my husband (36M) for 10 years. We have two young kids together. And this is really hard to write because I honestly don’t know how I feel anymore.

For a long time now, things haven’t been okay. He’s yelled at me, insulted me, controlled where I go, who I talk to. There’s been emotional and verbal abuse for years. And in the last few years, it’s turned physical. Not all the time — but enough to where I’m scared when he gets angry. I’ve never once hit him back. I’ve always just shut down or walked away.

But a few days ago, something changed. We were arguing over something ridiculous (I think it was about dinner being “late” again), and in the middle of it, right in front of our kids, he slapped me across the face. Hard. I don’t even remember thinking — I just reacted and slapped him back. Just once. Then I grabbed my kids and walked out.

Since then, he’s been telling people I “attacked” him. His family is furious with me. I’ve had people telling me I traumatized the kids, and some have even said I’m “stooping to his level.” I feel like I’m being made out to be the monster now.

The thing is… I don’t know what to do. I really don’t. I’ve been with him for ten years. I do love him, despite everything. I don’t want to leave him. I keep thinking maybe he’ll change, maybe therapy could help, maybe this was just a horrible moment. But I also feel like I’m losing myself in this relationship, and I hate what my kids saw.

So… AITA for hitting him back? Even after everything he’s done? I feel stuck. I don’t even know if I’m asking the right question anymore.