I meet strangers and have sex with them even though I don't want to. I don't like it and I usually ask for hugs back. That's all.

Recently I met someone, I paid for a hotel room and it was the same transaction.

So, it went horrible because I didn't even feel the hug, he was pushy to just have sex, he dismissed me trying to hug, he was annoyed I didn't have strength/endurance (I'm chronically ill), he covered my nose and I couldn't breathe for a while plenty of times, he told me to go have sex with others, too. When I turned suic##al and I told him so, it was pretty obvious, he just pushed me to continue.

At some point I broke, he said didn't you say you enjoy this? And I said no I'm not having a good time. But he kept going. He was like, okay, one last round.

After he was done, he left me alone, then I ranted at a message how he didn't keep the thing HE suggested in the first place (sleep together at night), and he came back. He said I am wrong about him. He did not touch me sexually again, just hugged me and brought his laptop to watch something and we ate and we slept hugging. He did not kiss me again either.

Am I the asshole? I apologized to him like 50 times.