In high school, I had a boyfriend named Samuel who tried to get intimate with me, and I regret that experience. For years, I've beaten myself up over it. Now, at 21, I have a boyfriend named Bob, who is 25 and lives in another country. I was initially scared to share my past with him, fearing judgment. I eventually told him a few months ago, and while he seemed okay at first, he frequently brings it up, questioning why I remained friends with Samuel after the incident (we are no longer friends). One time, when I was sick, he said something that made me feel like he was blaming me.

Recently, I mentioned an incident from high school, but he redirected the conversation back to the specific incident with Samuel. Bob discovered an old comment where I referred to Samuel as a “really good friend” and has been fixating on it. I'm starting to feel like his concerns stem more from his insecurities than from my past.

To be honest, Bob hasn’t always been emotionally safe; he used to shut down and hasn’t created a supportive space for me. Slowly it got better but little things he says now affect me more than they normally would. I've sent him videos showing my distress about this recurring topic, reminding him that as Christians, we believe in forgiveness. I’ve expressed my feelings of being judged, and this isn't the first time he’s interrogated me about my past, once even threatening to leave me over it.

Bob admitted in the past to having some retroactive jealousy. He recently sent me a long text apologizing and acknowledging his anger toward Samuel. I plan to take some time to cool down before we talk later; we’re supposed to meet in a week.

It's important to note that Bob also has a complicated past, but I choose to be compassionate and understanding without interrogating him. He knows I’ve cut off contact with Samuel, so I don't understand why he keeps bringing it up. The only pain I feel now is from the issues with Bob, not my past with Samuel.

TL;DR I got upset, left him on read, and i am now going to not text him for a few hours because he kept questioning me about something he knows hurts me.

I want to say we met in person and I felt safe.