For context... my boyfriend Patrick is a bit older than me (we have an 11 year age difference) and he drinks a lot, he is NEVER in a good headspace when he is drunk.

Last night I went to see him and immediately noticed he had been drinking. He talked a lot about feeling bad about himself, and when I asked him to seek help from a therapist, he called me the r-slur. I knew that he was drunk, and I knew that he was feeling bad about himself, but I told him clearly that it was not okay to call me that. He mostly just brushed my feelings off, and he hasn't done anything like that before, so I moved on from it.

Later in the night, he was in significantly worse shape, VERY drunk. To the point where he could not even form a sentence, let alone stand up. He mumbled something, but I very clearly him say the word bitch. I am unsure if he was calling me a bitch, or if he was just saying the word, but I am including it here either way.

I went home once he fell asleep, and the next morning we were messaging. He was complaining because apparently 'I don't want him', which he claims often. By often I don't mean like, once a month, I mean almost daily, even though I constantly reassure him that I do want to be with him. Maybe this was the wrong thing to say, but honestly, I'm a bit sick of him asking me the same questions over and over again, I said something along the lines of 'I have told you that I DO want you so many times, I can't keep repeating myself'. This obviously was not taken well by him because he responded by, once again, calling me the r-slur.

I was upset by this, as I had the conversation with him last night about how I don't appreciate being called that, or any other demeaning names. I told him once again that it is not okay to call me names. He repeated exactly what he done last night, brushing off my feelings, and even called me 'cute' for being upset about it.

We had a huge fight about it over text. I decided to take some space from him for a bit as he upset me, and refused to acknowledge what he had done wrong. He has been messaging me telling me that because I'm not responding he is going to get drunk again, and is even threatening to hurt himself.

I don't think that I'm in the wrong, but he is telling me that it is my fault that he is drinking, and also mentioned that it is my responsibility to keep him from drinking.