So I’m Vietnamese and English is not my first language, but I’ll try my best to make it clear. In this situation, everyone is Vietnamese. I’m 22 and my boyfriend is 21.

My boyfriend’s mom invited us on a trip to Melbourne because she’s heading to the Netherlands soon and wanted to visit her family beforehand. She thought it would be fine if we tagged along, and she even bought the tickets for us. We both wanted to visit Melbourne anyway and had a list of places we were excited to check out.

On the first day, I was already pretty tired because I had gone to bed late the night before. When we arrived at his mom’s step-brother’s house (let’s call him Tony), I was exhausted and couldn’t do much except rest and look after Tony’s daughter, Lina. She’s a sweet girl. But the grandma (my bf’s step-grandmother) and my bf's mom expected me to help her cook, even though she had already done about 3/4 of the work. I was too tired, and honestly, I didn’t want to get in the way.

That’s when I started to notice she liked talking badly about people. She even whispered to me about how annoying my bf’s mom was. I didn’t take it seriously at the time- I just thought she was a little blunt.

By the third day, things felt more uncomfortable. That morning, the grandma expected me to get ready immediately because Lina was supposedly hungry- but she wasn’t. I hadn’t had a shower in three days, and I didn’t want to smell bad, so I took a quick one. My hair is very long, so it takes longer than others, but I tried to be fast. There’s only one bathroom in the house, so I had to wait for his mom to finish first. I figured I still had the right to shower, right?

But the grandma said I was too slow, too girly, and questioned why my boyfriend had to help me get ready. Although, we've been together for five years and are almost engaged. I just smiled awkwardly at her- I still thought she was just being straightforward and didn’t mean harm.

At lunch that day, I brought my teddy bear, thinking Lina would like to play with it. She did. She hugged and kissed it but was always respectful, only touching it when I said it was okay. She’s a good kid. After the meal, while we were still playing, my boyfriend’s mom said, “If Lina likes it that much, you could give it to her, right?” I was stunned. She had mentioned this before, I had too many stuffed toys and wouldn’t notice if one was gone. I refused because all of them were gifts from my mom or my boyfriend, and I think it’s weird to give someone a used stuffed toy.

She had previously agreed to just buy one for Lina herself. But now she brought it up again, and it didn’t feel like a request- it felt like pressure. Lina looked at me, confused. I couldn’t say no directly, so I just looked wide-eyed at his mom, hoping she’d back me up. Then the grandma suddenly yelled at me, saying things like, “What’s with that face? So angry, so ugly- it’s just a toy!”

I smiled awkwardly and said to Lina, “Lina, do you like this teddy bear? You do? I know, he’s cute, right? But I also love him too. He’s a gift from my boyfriend. I really treasure him. I also treasure you, so I let you borrow him. Do you still want to keep him?” And Lina shaked her head, said, “No I don't want it anymore, it’s yours.” Even as a kid, she understood. Lina is such a good girl, and I felt sad knowing that she is like that because her mom left- according to the grandma, Lina’s mom left everything behind, including her, to chase the love of her life after getting PR. But she didn’t say anything about "why" Lina’s mom did that.

After the lunch, my boyfriend’s mom seemed angry and walked off without a word. I didn’t know what I had done wrong.

On the fourth day, which was the last day, we went into the city for lunch. While we were on the train, his mom kept forcing me to smile and said, “Aren’t you happy going out with us? I knew it, you’re always like this.”

But that’s just my resting face. I’ve explained that to her many times. I eventually gave up and stayed silent, while they kept joking about how scary and serious I looked. Another thing that might have made it worse is that I spoke Mandarin with my boyfriend on the escalator. I just wanted to ask him in private whether I really looked serious or unhappy, because I was anxious that my face had upset someone. But I think they thought I was saying something bad about them behind their back in a language they didn’t understand, so it made them hate me even more.

Lunch was a nightmare. His mom, who’s a control freak, kept criticizing every choice I made and why I didn't choose like her. I was drained. My social battery was already low from the beginning of the trip, and this just made it worse.

When we got back to the house to pack up, my boyfriend broke down. He told me he couldn’t take it anymore and admitted that the grandma had been talking behind my back the whole time- that I only cared about his money, about getting a visa, and that after I got PR, I would kick him out like Lina’s mom did. That I was a witch, a bitch who always dressed up.

I was shocked. I thought she was just a bit blunt, but harmless. If it had come from my boyfriend’s mom, maybe I would have trusted it more. But it was still hurtful. I decided then and there to ignore everything she said. It was late, but at least we were leaving.

Tony’s house is pretty far from the airport by train, so we were waiting for him to drive us. We could have taken an Uber, but his mom insisted we wait for him. I didn’t want to cause trouble. But the grandma kept making comments like, “I know you hate this house and can’t wait to leave.”

We explained that the plane departed at 9 p.m, boarding was at 8:30, and it was already 7- but she didn’t care. She said it was too much trouble for Tony to drive, but also wouldn’t let us take an Uber. “It’s fucking money,” she said. “Do you know how much that costs? Do you work for that money?”

The Uber came, and I was so hurt that I ignored her and only said goodbye to everyone else. On the plane, she texted my boyfriend: “Just leave her already. She’s an unmannerly bitch.” He was so angry that he blocked her.

Also, my bf’s mom was lowkey racist toward me because I’m from Central Vietnam (Đà Nẵng), while they’re from the South. She kept making passive-aggressive comments about my accent and the way I talk, and at some points even joked about how “people from the Central are like that.” I’m currently studying psychology and I can’t help but notice how all of this reflects deep biases and intergenerational trauma, but it still hurts.

I tried so hard to be respectful and gentle, but it feels like no matter what I did, I was always seen as not good enough..

I cried the whole way home. I love him. But I also want a love that’s supported and cherished by the people around us. I know this might be a generational thing, but I can’t help feeling upset and lonely, knowing that maybe no one will support our love except our friends and ourselves. So… after all that, AITAH?