Okay I’m not sure where to start, I’m having a difficult time figuring out how to proceed with my father. In order for everyone to understand I feel I need to start from the beginning.

I 22F have a father who I’m somewhat estranged from. I grew up with my father in my life. My parents didn’t divorce till I was about 14 or 15 (it’s hard to really remember, a lot of crazy stuff happened in a very short amount of time it feels like) but growing up my dad wasn’t home much due to his job. We were close when I was little. But unfortunately as I grew older, our relationship slowly died. But it really keeled over when we (as a family, mom, brother, and myself) found out he was having an affair with another woman in our small town. A video was leaked of him proposing to this other woman.

I wasn’t really shocked, around 9 years old I found out he was cheating on my mom from a girl on my school bus. (He was cheating with this girls aunt.) But that’s beside the point. Around the time the video was leaked, the mistress’s mother and daughter reached out to me and my mother, wanting to share their experiences with my father. Apparently he had lied to this poor older woman, stole from her, and forged her name on documents along with her own daughter(aka the mistress.) Now one thing I do know for sure is my dad was addicted to pain pills and alcohol+severe untreated mental illness at the time and even before all of this (this isn’t an excuse for all of his actions) but it does make me understand how my dad changed. He isn’t the same man I knew and loved when I was 5.

But even after my mother confronted him, he went on to harass and stalk my mom, my brother, and myself. Even after we made it clear we didn’t want to talk. I personally just needed time to figured everything out. Within a year we went from living in what i thought was an okay loving home (there was a lot of fighting, but nothing physical) to homeless and staying at a family-friend’s house. My mom was doing the best she could by herself with 2 teenage moody kids. But I could see my mom was struggling. I was scared for her and for my brother and myself. That whole year was filled with false CPS allegations, police showing up at the door to check on me and my brother at all times of the night because my father made false allegations. He even told a CPS worker I was doing coke and being abused by my mom’s boyfriend. (Mind you I hadn’t met my mom’s boyfriend yet) I was terrified my father would do something completely wreck-less. At one point in time my father even tried faking his own death in order to get us to finally talk to him. It was too much.

But eventually after a lot of therapy, I made the decision to finally reach back out. He is no longer taking pain pills or drinking (to my knowledge) he’s living with my stepsister (another story for another day). It’s been okay, but he knows he can play on my guilt. He is constantly breaking my boundaries because my brother wants nothing to do with him. My brother was never able to get over everything my father has put us through and I can’t blame my brother either. Unfortunately my brother witness a lot more than I did. He witness my father beat his mistress when he was only about 12 or 13.

I’m just not sure if ITAH for ignoring him this past month. I’m overwhelmed dealing with my own day to day life. And on top of that I am receiving about 10 messages a day from my father asking why I’m ignoring him. I feel guilty (I don’t know why) I feel like I’m abandoning him kind of. He constantly talks about how I’m treating my stepfather like a replacement dad. I just don’t know what I should do. Any advice?

(There’s a lot more that happened in that year, but I’d have to write a book to explain everything. And sorry if it’s rushed and doesn’t make much sense. I’m just at a loss)