My husband and I are expecting our baby this summer and we've been thinking about names. We're not planning on telling anyone until the baby is born but of course people will ask about it. My grandpa died last year and honestly, it felt more like a relief than anything. I guess he's always been selfish and focused on what benefits him but the last 15 years of his life were...crazy. Just a few examples: about 30 years ago my grandma went on a trip with my aunt (their daughter) and her family. He called her and made her feel so guilty, pretending to have severe health problems, so she got on the first train home. My grandma also had severe vein issues in her legs and wasn't allowed in hot water etc. Guess where he insisted they went on vacation every year? A thermal bath, also in an apartment where he would expect my grandma to cook 3 meals a day. When she finally got diagnosed with Alzheimers, he completely lost it. Talking shit to her ('I wish I would have another wife'...), giving her the wrong medication and so on. After she passed away he went to date a woman half his age that was very obviously taking advantage of him. He'd be nice to anyone who would suck up to him and stroke his ego but spread lies through the family im the hopes of dividing us. He never got diagnosed with any mental health problems because he never went to any specialist (we tried for years) and could manipulate his regular physician so well that she never did anything either. All of this has had a huge impact on my mom and her sister. They were raised in such a manipulative household that they don't seem to grasp the magnitude of what that guy did to them. They know he was "difficult" but I don't think they would label it as abuse or anything close, which I think it was.

Anyways, a few weeks ago my mom was talking baby names and mentioned that, at least for a second name, we had 3 choices. I (already anticipating the response) asked her what she meant. And she went on to say my dad, my dads dad and hers. Honestly I didn't know whether to laugh in her face or get up and leave, so I laughed. She was taken aback by my reaction and asked why I thought that was funny. I've tried talking to her many times, even before my granpa's death. But she doesn't seem to understand what she and her sister and ultimately also my grandma went through their entire lives. I've suggested therapy or "talking to someone" but unfortunately she's one of those people that wants to keep things private and doesn't see a reason for help. I've dealt with my share of the trauma (in therapy) and have mostly closed that chapter of my life - to me, my grandpa died years ago when he stopped giving a shit about his family. Oh well. Since then, she has brought up other things, like my grandpa mentioning 'a boy being born' in his finaly days before anyone knew we were expecting and bla bla. But i just don't want to connect our son to this guy. I get it, in any other case I would have thought that was cool or whatever but now it just makes me angry and she will not let it go. AITAH for being very blunt about this? I love my mom but it just baffles me how she can still be so blind to this.

Edit: I understand that my mom and whoever wants to, still gets to love him. Not everything that man ever did was bad or manipulative. I just don't want to have that connection to him for my child.