So I (25F) have been seeing this guy (28M) for three weeks. We met through mutual friends, hit it off, and decided to go on a few dates. He came off super sweet & respectful. On our first date, we had dinner and talked for hours. Second date, we grabbed coffee and went for a walk. Third date, we got dinner again and he walked me to my car afterward.

As we stand by my car he suddenly he starts getting… pushy. Not in an aggressive way, but definitely in that weird, persistent, trying to make you feel guilty kind of way. He starts leaning in closer and saying how he really wants to “take things to the next level.” I’m confused at first, so I ask what he means, and he straight-up says he wants to have sex.

Now, I was thrown off not because I’m naive or anything but because I already told him when we first started talking that I’m waiting until marriage to have sex. It’s something I’ve always been upfront about. I never gave him mixed signals or said “maybe later.” I made it clear from day one.

So I reminded him: “I told you I’m waiting until marriage.” That should’ve been the end of it. But no. This man had the audacity to look offended and say that I was “leading him on.” That I “should’ve at least given him something by now” because he’s been “courting me” and that “three weeks is a long time.”

Like… what??

He went on this whole rant about how he’s been taking me out, paying for my meals, being a gentleman & apparently I owed him something for that. Mind you, every single time we went out, I offered to pay. I literally pulled out my wallet and offered to pay multiple times, and every time, he’d say, “No, I’m taking you out or this is my treat.”

After I stood my ground and said I wasn’t changing my mind, he snapped and basically accused me of using him. Said I should’ve told him I wasn’t “interested in anything physical” from the start (again, I did), and that I let him waste his time and money. Then he stormed off.

The next day, I was venting about it to some coworkers, and while some of them were on my side, a few (mostly guys) said they kind of agreed with him. That I should’ve “clarified my intentions better” and that “leading someone on” emotionally can be just as bad. One guy even said that going on more than one date while knowing you’re not planning to get physical is “sending the wrong message.”

Like… Whhhaaattt?

I thought I was being clear while enjoying getting to know him. Isn’t that what dating is supposed to be?

Anyway, now I’m second-guessing everything. Was I the asshole for continuing to date someone when I knew physical intimacy was off the table for me? Even though I said that upfront? Is that actually leading someone on?

Reddit, AITAH?

Edit: Wow, I really did not expect this to blow up the way it did, but it’s honestly kind of crazy. I want to take some time to address some of the comments I’ve been getting, especially the ones about my choice to wait until marriage.

Look, I know that’s not everyone’s cup of tea, but it’s the choice I’ve made for myself. I’m a Christian, I go to a Christian college, and I’m studying for ministry. I’m heavily involved in my church’s activities and groups, and I really try to live according to my beliefs. It’s been my decision to wait, and honestly, I don’t understand why some people are so upset about it. It’s my life, my choice, and it doesn’t impact anyone else’s choices.

I’ve had a lot of people say things like “no guy’s gonna want to wait for you” or “no one’s gonna actually want to do that,” and that’s okay. If a guy doesn’t want to wait, that’s his right. If someone doesn’t feel like it fits with them, they can find someone else who shares their values. I’m not mad about it, and I don’t see why I’d be. It’s about mutual respect, and I’m just looking for someone who respects my decision. It’s not for everyone, and I understand that.

Another thing I’ve seen a lot of is people saying this post was AI-generated. I can guarantee it was not. I just want to remind everyone that the AI checkers and detectors out there aren’t always 100% accurate. I remember when AI first started getting introduced, and people would get accused of using it because their writing “didn’t sound like them.” That doesn’t mean it was AI. In fact, I’ve always been a strong writer and have been told so throughout my high school and college years. So yeah, no AI here.

As for the people asking if the coworker who made that comment was the mutual friend of the guy I went out with.. yes, the friend was someone I was introduced to through him, and he does attend the same church as me. Some people have said I should’ve looked for someone more “churchy” if I wanted someone who would wait until marriage, but just because someone goes to church doesn’t mean they share the same values. That’s their prerogative.

Some people are calling me “dumb” for wanting to wait, or saying I’ll never find someone who’s sexually compatible with me, but honestly, that’s just not a huge deal for me. If I’m a virgin, and the person I’m with is also a virgin, we’re both going to be new to it. I don’t expect them to be experienced, and I don’t think it’s some huge issue. I don’t believe that compatibility in that area is the most important thing in a relationship.

Lastly, for the people saying this story is fake no, it’s not. I’m not sure if some of you just don’t understand what it’s like to feel like you’re in the right, only to have a bunch of people tell you that you’re wrong. It’s honestly a mind-boggling feeling, and it’s made me question myself a lot. But I still feel like I did what was right for me, and I’m not going to let other people’s opinions make me doubt that.

Thanks again to everyone who offered support. I really appreciate it.