this happened three weeks ago and i’m still getting calls from people i haven’t heard from in years asking me if i’ve “calmed down.”

i (24f) was supposed to get married to my boyfriend (26m) after four years of being together. we’ve had our ups and downs, like everyone, but i thought we were solid. two months before the wedding, he suggested we write “private” vows to each other. like… vows we wouldn’t say out loud during the ceremony, just exchange in a letter privately the morning of. i actually thought that was cute and agreed.

well, morning of the wedding, one of my bridesmaids hands me this letter he left with the groomsmen to give me. she’s laughing when she hands it over, says something like “he’s got such a weird sense of humor.” that should’ve been my first red flag.

i open the letter, and it’s literally a joke. like... literally. it's formatted like a stand-up comedy set. he wrote, “dear ball and chain,” then went on to make jokes about how he was giving up his freedom, how i snore like a gremlin, how he hopes our kids don’t get my “temper or nose,” how he’s prepared to “tolerate” my cooking, and how he's “proud of himself” for not cheating during the bachelor party “even though vegas really tried.”

the only sincere line was: “but i love you anyway. let’s do this.”

i was humiliated. my makeup artist had to re-do my eyes because i started crying — not even sobbing, just angry tears. like how little do you respect me that you thought this was appropriate on our wedding day?

i didn’t tell anyone what was in the letter, i just waited until the music started, waited till i was supposed to walk down the aisle… and didn’t.

i told the wedding planner to cancel it. i went into the bridal suite, changed into jeans and a hoodie, and left. didn’t say anything to anyone until i texted him an hour later: “read your letter again. do you really think that was funny?”

he blew up my phone, begged me to come back, then turned on me when i didn’t. said i embarrassed him in front of his family, ruined everything over a “joke,” and that i was being “dramatic.”

half the guests don’t know what happened. a few of my friends said i should’ve just married him and worked it out later. but… no. if that’s how you approach your vows, your promises, your commitment, i don’t want to know what “working it out” would look like.

so yeah. i left my fiancé at the altar over a letter. aitah?