I (35m) have three children with my wife (34f). When I was away for military things and private contracting she allowed my sister's child (15f) to come stay with us and our 3 children. We have the room and it was just for her to see about living a more peaceful and calmer life here than in the ghetto. She switched schools to here and began going but started getting these anxiety attacks. Nothing really major but it seems to have gotten worse over the two years or so she's been living here. I recently became a stay at home Dad (back in Sept 2024) and I've been dealing with all of the kids things and keeping up with the house. My niece finally got a doctor's note saying that if she has these panic and severe anxiety attacks she doesn't have to attend school. It is an excused absence. I admit it is excessive how much she stays home but her grades are excellent still and she doesn't (always) bother anyone when she's home. Just stays in her room. My wife thinks I'm too lenient about this mental health thing because she went through bullying and anxiety when she was younger and got meds for it and still went to school everyday. My niece isn't being bullied btw. I grew up in a black household in the ghetto and we weren't taught about any of this and basically was told it didn't exist and it's not real. I don't really know what to do for her and I didn't think my wife is completely wrong either. We are going to try therapy which she finally agreed to. Oh and by excessive I mean once or twice a week she is missing school. My stance is that her grades are great, she's still making friends and trying to do activities. My wife says that if she stays home she shouldn't have her girlfriend over or be able to go over there. She shouldn't be able to participate in certain things if she doesn't go. To be honest I am sort of annoyed with my wife because she had all the opportunity to guide this in whichever way she wanted it to go when she was the one at home. Now that's she's working and the house is actually functioning quite nicely she has these annoyances with people in our lives. She could tell her she needs to go home and that could be it but instead she just complains at me like there's something I need to fix.

AITAH for not seeing what she sees and not dealing directly with my nieces issues. ( She has a mother and father who tries to understand her too.)