To start, I'd like to give some background context (I will leave a marker where the current events begin).

I (19 M), have had a strong yet loose relationship with my parents for the past five to six years. At that point, my Father (40 M) started using my brothers and I as therapists, telling us about all the bad things that had happened in his past. Whenever these conversations would come up I would make an effort to show I was listening so my brothers could put their headphones on and not have to hear it. Let me be absolutely clear with this, given their content, those conversations were not the kind a father should have with his sons at such a young age. To make things worse he would tell us these stories on the car rides from school, where we couldn't exactly leave the conversation.

When he wasn't telling us about his past, he was constantly showing us every bit of bad news the internet had to offer. "Oh, (Insert company we eat at weekly) has more than shady dealings," or "This Government Agency is doing horrible stuff in that country." It might not seem like much, but it was every day that he did this. What's weird is that this wasn't a building habit, it just started one day. Whenever we tried to tell him to stop he'd either start it back up the next day, or he'd get offensive with us. I'm not exactly sure how to explain that to be honest with you all. Those of you who deal with people like that understand what I mean.

A few months ago, I reached out to my grandfather regarding my mental health, wanting someone's opinion on whether or not I should get a therapist (he gave a noncommittal answer, which was fair enough). The day after, my Father pulled me aside to talk. I asked if this was about my chat with my grandfather. It wasn't. After he asked me to elaborate I told him about what I thought was the main issue with my mental health, an addiction I've only found harder to shake once I realized what it was. His response to me opening up to him was to say "That's it?" before one-uping me with his own recent trauma. I wouldn't have minded so much, if this wasn't the one time I had wanted him to hear me out after years of before forced to listen to him vent.

Then there's my Mom. I'll be honest, there's not much to say here. I love her and she's done nothing against me or my brothers. In the end she was the best parent she could have been given the cards in her hand. The only reason I'd call my relationship with her "loose" is because if I go no-contact with my Father, I'd cut her out as well and not force her to pick a side.

-Onto the current situation-

A few days ago my Father pulled me aside to talk about something. Usually when he does this he needs to vent, and I mentally prepared myself as such. I was not prepared for him to ask me if I thought my Mom was cheating on him.

Here's where I state that not only do I still live with them, but I also work in the same place that she does. I am with her, barely 30 feet away, 9 hours from Monday to Thursday (I work 4 hours on Fridays. On top of that she rarely leaves home, only going out to lunch with her sister and mom, or when she decides to go get groceries (always being back within a reasonable time frame). There is no time for her to even try anything.

I simply said "No" because there was no other answer. I couldn't think of anything. I later learned that he suspected me as being "in on it." I wouldn't know this until yesterday when my youngest brother (16), told my Mom and I when we got home.

Still, I had no clue what to do with this knowledge. I did not, and still do not, want to be anywhere near that situation at all. I didn't know if I should tell my mother. Given his personality, and his current mental state, I knew the situation would likely get out of hand very quickly if she'd push him on it. So, with no idea what to do, I decided to sit and wait for when we would come home that Monday (yesterday).

When we got home I was hit with the fact that my Father had spent that morning talking to my brothers about the situation. Showing them his "proof" (which I'll get to later), and telling them over and over that she had already admitted to it. According to my youngest brother, when they tried talking rationally with him he would just say "see it through my perspective" or "listen to me with an open heart." I have no idea how long he spent with my brothers on Monday talking about it, but he didn't convince them.

A few hours later I chose to take a jog while the rain was light (it had been pouring all day and I took the chance when I saw it). When I left I passed my parents talking in the car port. When I came back I saw that my dad was alone and he pulled me aside before I could get inside. This is when he showed me his "proof". His physical evidence was all texts between the two of them.

While most of them were long walls of text, which he made me read word for word, I do remember one particular exchange of two messages. He said "Please, just leave it at work, that's where it all began." She simply replied with "Okay". From his perspective, this was her admitting to cheating. This was also when I learned he thought she was cheating with my Boss... whose wife works 10 feet from my mom in the same department. From my mom's perspective, she thought he was talking about negative emotions. She knew she'd been distant with him in recent times, and figured that's what he was talking about.

The following texts followed in that pattern. Her saying that she'd be/do better, saying that he deserved better, and him taking this as her admissions of guilt. Keep in mind, she never out right said she was cheating, and as far as I saw, she never hinted at the topic to begin with. After this he said that when he picked her up last Friday she smelled like chemicals.

Here's where I tell you that certain areas of my work place deal with a lot of chemicals. The most detail I can give about the actual nature of our work is that we deal with small plane parts. Given her position, my Mom is in charge of the inventory cage at work, where she is constantly at, and where a good number of the chemicals are stored. On top of that she moves around the whole building getting paperwork and important info where it needs to be. You'd figure that at least one day out of the four years she's worked that that she'd get chemicals on her.

At that point I completely checked out of the conversation, and noticed my Mom leaving the house and going into the woods on the back of our property. (We live on my grandparents' land, with the majority of it being forest, which we go through/by on the regular). I nodded at her as she passed by, trying to give my Father a hint that this was his chance to show his "proof" with her present. He instead took it as a sign to keep going, completely oblivious as he talked about how she'd "Just walked back inside to sulk" (not the exact word but you get the idea).

After he went inside a little later, I followed her into the woods; mostly to make sure she wouldn't try anything. That's when she told me that she was considering agreeing with him just to get it over with. I told her in no uncertain terms that the idea was horrible. She agreed, saying that it would just open another world of problems. When we got back home, I saw that my Dad had driven off somewhere. Taking the chance I left my Mom as she went inside, and decided to call my Aunt for some help.

While I won't share family history where it doesn't matter, I can say that she is reliable in careful situations like this, to say the very least. After almost half an hour she agreed to take my Mom to lunch this weekend, making sure to make a show of picking her up so there wouldn't be more fuel to my Father's fire.

Now come's today, where I learned that the situation is on a slippery slope, and where I lost the last bit of sympathy I had for my Father. On my lunch break he sent me a text. In case you don't want to see it, it was instructions for me to spy on my Mom for him. Please note that I had previously told him that I couldn't, and wouldn't, do anything in the situation. I would need a hard confession for me to act on. Which leads me to the final part. My Father picked her up from work an hour and a half early.

This was worrying because I know how he argues. If he can't use extreme examples to make you look bad, he'll gaslight you. If neither option works then he'll simply say "You're right" and storm out of the area. In a locked car, he is stuck with the first two options, and my Mom is forced to bear it. Something to note is that it is only 20 minutes from my job to my house. I offered to pick up dinner on my way home, and asked my youngest brother if our parents were home. At 4:57 he said they got home. She left work at 3.

For nearly two hours she was left at the mercy of his delusions. He isn't a physical person, but he grew up with people who had that argumentative style, and he improved on it for the worse. With that said, if she simply says that she cheated, I won't believe it. He essentially trapped her with him for two hours, with no third party, and, although I can't prove anything as I wasn't there, I think he spent that whole time trying to verbally beat it out of her. Whether or not they got home because he lost his patience, or because she "admitted" to it, I don't yet know.

-

So, that's all the important information and current events. Honestly this whole situation is tearing the two of them apart, for different reasons, and it's all because he can't get his head out of his own ass. I listened to this man for years explain to me all the horrible things that have happened to him in his life, just for him to toss out my insecurities in place of his own. I have sat with him through every round of depression he's had while he barely took note of mine. And now he wants me to believe my own Mother is cheating on him with my boss.

I know he's stuck in this thinking, there is no way I can see to get him out of it. I've been a voice of reason for him in the past, but I already know he's not going to listen.

I'll respond to comments tomorrow after work, and I'll likely put a update through a dated edit/post should something change, or if enough time passes. While I don't think I'll ever forgive him for this, I at least want to know if my mind is on the right track. Thankyou for listening.