I (19f) used to be obsessed with fish. For my 15th birthday I only wanted one gift: a big fish tank for my bristlenose pleco. My parents obliged. Eventually my interest in fish waned then around the same time my sister Anna (24f) started getting into the hobby. She spent thousands on all sorts of filters, tanks, decorations, chemicals etc. A LOT of effort and care was put into these fish.

One day, Anna purchased a 6ft tank off marketplace. It came with some tropical fish. She wanted this new tank to be a native Australian “biotope”. I allowed her to keep the tropical fish inside my tank with the pleco as they did not fit the biotope theme. She agreed to look after them all and I felt happy knowing I had one less job + a beautiful new display of fish.

Anna purchased several more tropical fish for my tank and stocked the 6ft tank with Australian natives (rainbow fish and gudgeons). Months went by and she started taking less care with the fish. It started as skipping a water change occasionally and dumping too much food in. It was clear she was losing interest. At this point she did the right thing and gave away the tropical fish and rainbow fish. She moved the gudgeons to my tank leaving the 6ft tank empty.

My tank, now heavily overstocked, with inadequate filtration, developed a thick layer of waste that would sit on the bottom. She started to rarely do water changes and would either forget to feed the fish or she would dump large quantities of food in to rot. As the fish swam, the filth would disperse through the water making it cloudy. Occasionally a fish/snail would die and its corpse would be left to rot until we smelled it. The tank was so filthy and overgrown it was impossible to see.

Anna would disappear all day, almost every day, to socialise and do her new hobby. When she was home I would ask her if she’s done a water change recently. She would either lie and say yes or tell me to “fuck off” if I kept talking about it. The 6ft tank sat empty for maybe a year(?)breeding mould and little cockroaches in its continuously wet sand substrate & decorations. Every time I asked her about it she would say “okay, I’ll sell it soon” or “fuck off”. I ended up having to sell all her tanks myself (with permission) because I couldn’t stand the way they looked, the stench and literal biohazard they were.

Both my parents gave me no support on the matter. My Dad quietly agreed with me but would enforce nothing. They have learned to not tell my sister to do anything as she becomes depressed and responds with hostility.

A few months ago I had had enough of the fish abuse. I hadn’t seen Anna do a water changed in months. The fish were covered in ammonia burns and had turned white from stress. Strings of slimy looking flesh hung off their bodies and drifted through the water. My families favourite fish had died from the appalling conditions. It constantly had a fungal infection.

I sent a text to the family group chat. “Anna, you neglect your fish. I am not comfortable enabling you by allowing you to use my fish tank. Please look after them properly consistently or else give them away” “They require a water change, water testing and proper tank clean today”. I asked my sister in person if she had read my message. She laughed and said “I don’t read your messages”. This annoyed me. I told her to read it and she told me to “piss off” I then threatened to list them for sale if she didn’t do it that day. She begrudgingly changed some water later that day then angrily complained to my parents. She called me names and mimicked my voice. My parents did nothing.

The next day I sent a message to the group chat. I was stupidly hoping my parents would agree with me. “Anna, clean the fish tank glass”. My mum, in retaliation, immediately responds “(my name) please toilet the dogs”. The next day I message “Anna, my fish tank looks unsightly. The ornaments and glass need to be cleaned. If you cannot manage this, please sell your fish so the tank can be returned to me”. My mother responds “(my name) please stop the harassment. Why don’t you clean the tank if it offends you so much”. At this point I’d had enough. I respond “Okay I will. Anna remove your fish.” “I did not harass. I set boundaries. Stop enabling”. I am ignored. I send Anna a long paragraph privately. If you’re bothered to read (yeah I know it was a bit uppity & intense but I was very angry):

“You no longer have the privilege of keeping fish in my tank.

I should not have to ask you to stop neglecting your animals. I should not have been sworn at, belittled, mimicked and called names by you.

I do not accept responsibility over you. I feel that you are unwilling to care for your animals. I feel that you are incredibly rude and ungrateful.

Now that this is causing Mum to label my clear communication and reasonable expectations as “harassment” I am no longer comfortable allowing you the opportunity to change your ways.

Please give the fish away by next Wednesday.”

Long story short the fish sat there for months more and continued to be neglected. I constantly asked and got the same old responses of “okay I’ll do it/fuck off”. Another fish died. I blew up and yelled at Anna after she dismissed me again. I yelled “I will never forgive you for what you did to those fish”. She finally threw them in a bucket a few days later and begrudgingly drove them to a fish store that agreed to take them. Both parents are saying I forced her to get rid of her fish.

I understand I could’ve looked after the fish. But I knew as soon as I did, it would’ve become an expectation. I had zero interest in keeping that type of fish and was already struggling to keep up with maintenance on my own little fish tank that I keep in my room. I likely would’ve neglected them myself. Even though I threatened it, I didn’t feel right about taking it upon myself to give the fish away. They weren’t mine to give. She had to agree to do it herself. I felt really guilty making her do it. I just wanted them to be looked after and with people that wanted them. Whether that be her or someone else. I get really upset about animals suffering.

This tank has become a huge issue. My mother brings it up in a lot of fights. Today she told me that those fish weren’t abused, had a good life and if I felt they were abused I should’ve just looked after them. She said “it’s the kind person thing to do”. I told her “if I ever neglected my chickens I wouldn’t expect you to start taking care of them. They should be given to homes that actually want them” (and I love love love my chickens but I truly believe if you won’t take care of an animal you don’t deserve to have it). She then tells me if she ever perceives I’m being neglectful at all she will sell my pets. I tried confiding in a friend and they also said “if you’re so upset maybe just do it yourself”. But I feel like they’re missing the point. Am I the asshole?