Am I the asshole for telling my family I will only go see my brother if I can dress how I want

I m 21 Im gay and like to dress more feminine I love lashes nails and wigs which I can’t wear much due to being a restaurant manager so when I’m not at work I like to dress on so my brother is graduating from Columbia bc he’s in the navy so we are all flying down to see him and my mother said I can’t have a wig nails ect and to dress like a boy so I said I’ll stay home she said that will hurt my brother and I’m gonna ruin the trip and embarrass the family am I the asshole if I stay home?