Me and my girlfriend have been best friends since second grade. We decided to get together in September, and we just broke up today. I’m devastated.

At first it was magic. We had so much fun hanging out because we were basically just best friends but with a new label. Me and her always joked with each other. I’d call her names like ugly or fat (seems horrible but I promise it’s lighthearted) and she would call me the same names back. It was like sibling banter and it was hilarious. I always loved her because she never got hurt by any of my comments and threw them right back at me.

Eventually, maybe two months into the relationship, we had our first problems. As we started saying I love you and things got more serious (as serious as a middle school relationship can be) I realized that she was very emotionally unaware. She is not flirty at all and doesn’t really love physical touch that much. We only hugged when we were saying goodbye and rarely held hands. Also rarely flirted. It was very hard for me because I am a very romantic person so it was a hard adjustment. However, she’s not the only one with problems. I’ve had anxiety and depression since first grade, and my anxiety is pretty horrible. Anytime I feel like she’s mad at me or she does something that I read to much in to I spiral. I’ll shut down, not get angry but become a little irritable, and feel like she doesn’t love me as much as I love her. That’s a recurring theme in our relationship, my anxiety always made me feel like I was putting in more effort. Another problem we faced is her lack of communication. She never speaks her mind, not just about us but in general, so I really had to push her out of her comfort zone to be able to open up about our problems.

Besides those, everything was great. But recently, my anxiety has gotten pretty bad. Ever since December it has just gotten worse and worse. This past week I probably had a mini meltdown at least once a day. One day it was because we couldn’t face time for a week and she refused to because her parents were around, but I would do that because I love her so it made me feel like she didn’t love me as much I love her. Sounds stupid, I know, but it really made sense to me at the time. Another time one of her friends got caught with a vape and she knew about it. I was absent from school, so it turns out everyone knew and it was already reported. But when I found out and my girlfriend didn’t mention it to me I thought she was covering up for her friend so I kinda freaked out on her. It was small things like that that set me off, and I’m not sure why. I really tried my hardest to stay calm but I just couldn’t help but overthink. Yesterday I apologized for being so much lately and assured her I would fix it. I really was gonna try, because I’m sure she was getting sick of it pretty fast.

Two of her friends I have had problems with. One is my former best friend who went behind my back to try and stop me and my gf from getting together. She’s also a pretty bad friend so we stopped talking and we don’t really like each other. The other is one who is always all up on my gf which kinda weirds me out but it’s fine. But she always comes up whenever I’m talking to my gf and starts gossiping with her and kinda whisks her away from me and then I ask them what they’re talking about and her friend blows up on me and is like “you don’t have to know everything omg!” And I told Kerrington how I felt about it and I called her friend annoying and it’s not my favorite when she’s around (not at all trying to stop from the speaking, I would never tell my partner who she can or can’t hang out with) and somehow the friend found out and now she hates me.

So fast forward to today. Everything I’ve said previously will come into play. The day was fine, she sent me a good morning text, we said I love you last night, I even stayed 20 minutes after practice last night to see her after her practice and say I love you and stuff. We were fine. And then today she wants to hang out with the one annoying friend and I’m like okay I will too, but then she’s like well she won’t talk to me if you’re there. She kept saying that over and over so finally I got the hint that she didn’t went me there which hurt my feelings. So then I get a feeling something’s up and I go talk to her and she tells me she feels like she’s distancing herself from her friends because of me. So we talk for a little bit and I’m like “well do you want to break up?” And she beats around the bush and I said I felt like she did but didn’t wanna say it and she agreed. So we broke up then and there.

So immediately start bawling and she goes and tells all of her friends while I’m literally crying my eyes out whailing, and she doesn’t shed a single tear or seem that bothered. Her friends are all rallying around her too. I pretty much cry non stop the whole day and after school she’s in the gym to help with cheer tryouts for our school, and so I find a chance when she’s free and go talk to her. I asked her what the whole reason is and it’s a lot. 1. She secretly doesn’t like my jokes (she never once mentioned that she always said it was fine because I would’ve stopped if she didn’t like it) 2. She doesn’t want a relationship right now (that’s weird because we were fine this whole time) 3. She said she’s really stressed and I add to that stress with my anxiety (that ones actually valid but she still never talked to me about it so I didn’t know she felt that strongly about it) 4. Again the whole friend thing. I then ask her if she even still likes me and she said I don’t know. I then asked her when her feelings about all this started and she said today. Soo… what? It was like a spur of the moment decision to break up with your boyfriend of 8 months? I just didn’t understand. I asked if I made amends with her friends and tried to dial myself down and stop making jokes if we could fix this. She said no, she was completely done. So all of this happens in one day, we were completely fine that morning.

I told her since day one that since she doesn’t like to talk about things and she just avoids her problems that if she did that then we wouldn’t make it. And here we are. I tried so hard. I thought I was really good to her. I probably spent $2000 on her in total, we went on a bunch of dates, called every day, she went to all my games and I went to hers, we were great. And now all of a sudden she feels this way and ends things instead of trying to talk about it. I’m not saying she was peer-pressured, she swears she wasn’t, but i do know that the two friends who hate me told her I’m a red flag and she should break up with me. So I’m not quite sure.

I love her so much. She’s my best friend, my whole world. I loved her more than anything. And now she’s all of a sudden gone with no hints beforehand? I’m devastated. I haven’t eaten since it happened, about 10 hours ago. I love her with all my heart. I miss her. I love her. I want her back. But I’m not gonna contact her unless she contacts me, I know it’s for the best that I don’t.

I’m not really sure what my purpose is with this post. Maybe it’s to vent, maybe advice although I’m not sure what I need advice for because she’s completely done. I don’t know. I know I’m not completely innocent in this. I am over the top, maybe dramatic, maybe clingy. But all of it was because I loved her. And now she doesn’t feel the same within a span of like 2 hours. What do I even do? Please please please, someone dm me or comment. I have nobody to talk to and I’m really struggling.

Really, I just wanna know if I’m to blame. Was I really the reason for the breakup? Should I have been better? I thought I was amazing, everybody agreed. But I guess not. So, AITAH?