I (23M) have a friend (22M) whom we'll call John for the sake of simplicity.

Me and John met at our university. John is an international student who came from a country in Asia. He's a friendly guy and solid bloke overall.

However, here's the thing. I'm always extremely busy with work (not to mention the long commute) and studies atm (I'm currently undertaking the CPA right now). John asks me if I'd like to hang out with him at a particular spot, but I often end up having to say no because of my schedule. John is still studying and is looking for work, but is unable to secure a job due to the economic climate (not to mention being a non-citizen makes it 10x harder to find a job).

John also sends me reels on Instagram and texts me a lot via Whatsapp, which I don't usually open much. I have many friends that send me many reels on Instagram, and also many that just keep messaging on Whatsapp which is not urgent stuff, so I let it sit there and never open them. John is one of those people I've communicated with my friends to always communicate with me via SMS for urgent situations.

I generally just scroll on my FYP and go through people's stories. I don't bother much with my DMs. I also much prefer to meet in person or to talk on a call than texting because communication is much more smoother and the quality of conversation is far superior than texting.

The other day, John posted on his private story on Instagram about how it's crushing how no one seems to reach out first, that he's always the one reaching out to people always. He posted more sad reels then deactivated. I called him and said he was fine. I felt guilty because he has no family here, and doesn't have a massive circle of friends due to him being in Australia only for 3-4 years.

I do try to reach out to people, but only once in a while when I have some free time. Other times, people reach out to me. The way I see it, it's completely ok if people don't always reach out to me first because we're all extremely busy with responsibilities and lives.

So AITAH for not generally reaching out to John first? I feel hypocritical because I talk about male loneliness but I recognise I could be contributing to it.