So last night, my older sister and I got into a small argument and I genuinely want to know if I was in the wrong here.

I was about to eat dinner and then planned to wash the dishes after. My sister had already eaten and was by the kitchen sink. She noticed that the dish soap dispenser was empty, and while washing her hands (in the kitchen sink for some reason), she took out the big soap bottle and used a bit, just enough to wash her hands. Then she turned to me and said, “Do you want me to leave the soap out for you?”

I said, “No, it’s okay.”

Right after that, she got irritated and told me I was being ungrateful and told me “I’m going to leave it out anyway so you should thank me” I responded, “But I didn’t ask you to,” and that’s when the argument really started. She went ahead and did what she thought was helpful regardless of what I’d said and expected me to appreciate it.

The thing is, she asked me. I gave an honest and polite answer. But instead of accepting that, it felt like she was fishing for something she could be thanked for. And when I didn’t give her that reaction, it suddenly became an issue of me not being appreciative. It’s not like I snapped at her—I just answered the question she posed.

I even told her that if she had said, “Hey, I’ll leave the soap out for you,” or better yet, offered to refill the actual empty dispenser, I would’ve genuinely appreciated it. But she didn’t—she just asked a question, I politely declined, and somehow I was still in the wrong for not expressing gratitude?

The whole argument transformed for me when she hit me with an Arabic saying that loosely translates to: “A good deed done for the cursed is like a burden on a bent back.” That one stung. It made me feel guilty, like I was being seen as undeserving of kindness just because I didn’t say “thank you” for something I didn’t ask for in the first place.

She then told me that I don’t appreciate small acts of consideration, and started bringing up unrelated things like, “If you’re going downstairs and grab water for me too, that would mean something to me.” Which felt like a pivot—suddenly this was about me not doing enough thoughtful things for her in general, even though this started with a very specific soap moment.

At that point I kind of laughed—not to be mean, but because it felt like she was twisting the situation just to make herself look like the selfless, considerate one and me like I’m cold and unappreciative. And now I’m sitting here feeling both confused and annoyed.

So Reddit… AITAH?