This could get long so I'm gonna do my best here to space you guys some of the context.

But two important things off the bat.

1. My wife is autistic. Technically undiagnosed but I certainly agree that she's high-masking.

2. I'm in recovery. I'm 88 days sober from alcohol, weed and self-harm. I'm living with my parents while I recover but I spend some nights at my wife's with her and our son.

Okay, so I'm try to stick to the facts of the morning. I wasn't gonna go over there last night because at the beginning of the week I thought it might be nice to get to miss each other a bit before our anniversary today (Friday). But our son has been constipated since Wednesday and he asked me to come over last night so I came. My wife and I fought a bit yesterday but sufficed to say we settled it by the time I went over there.

Now I'm gonna do my best to just give you a straight timeline.I really don't want to unduly represent my side of things and be unbiased. Honestly, I probably won't even bring this morning up to her again or mention anything from here, I'm just feeling like I need some affirmation.

I got there without any stuff cause my son had asked me to hurry over so she realized I wasn't spending the night. My son didn't seem too disappointed but my wife (A) did. Didn't pressure me or anything though. The house was a little upside down cause a five-year-old had been home all day and she had been taking care of him. Understandable.At some point she nicely asked if I would like to spend the night. I didn't have my good tennis shoes for the gym in the morning but I do have a pair there that work. I didn't have any of my shower stuff for the morning so I'd have to wake up earlier. I didn't have any food (I've been losing weight and so I'm on a semi strict diet. Nothing too crazy I mostly just watch what I eat). Anyway, I kinda settled all those issues and told her I'd sleep over. She was being sweet. At some point I told her I would need to run the grocery store and cook. A lot of dishes were dirty and she was like "I'll clean a pan for you." HEre's where I said Nah, I'll do those dishes for you. I do 'em everytime I come over =]". Trying to be sweet. Our anniversary was the next day.

I cooked and cleaned up the mess I made and did the dishes I used, but was gonna get the rest in the morning. It was already getting late.

I woke up at around 6:30am to get these rolling (my son has to be at school by 8). I heard my wife wake up to go use the bathroom and said something like "hey, you're up already and you've only got about 15m. May wanna just get up now." She's not exactly a morning person (nbd) and said she was looking forward to those 15. Plus she said she had a really bad headache. Okay, no problem. I got her some advil told her happy anniv and went back to the dishes.

I got back to doing the dishes and she wakes up later. Asks me to look in our son's room (he had climbed in the bed with mama in the night lol) for his shorts for the day. This is where she started to kinda get short with me. She does that in the morning sometimes. Nbd.

I said "Where am I looking, which shorts?" Her response was something like "Where I always out the shorts....Do you even pay attention or know where I keep things." That stung on the morning of our anniversary but whatever. I kept it moving.

She got up a bit later to make son's lunch and seemed in a rough state and her head still hurt.

I said "why don't you get back in bed for a bit then. I'll make his lunch."

This obviously pulled me away from the dishes but oh well, I'll get back to them. I made his lunch then went to get them both out of bed.

She got mad because she thought I had let her lay down for too long (probably about 5-7 min). It was probably about 7:20. Told me I obviously don't respect the rules of her house because they normally leave by 7:30 and was just generally getting onto me.

She was also kinda saying that she thought I was bringing him now. I told her I just said I was making his lunch.

She said "that would have been a nice gift for me btw"

He got out of bed and went on the couch. Today is some kind of field day or something so he kept yelling from the couch for someone to help find his clothes so he wouldn't be late for it. She was still in bed so after 1-2m of that she hadn't gotten out of bed (though she was sitting up kinda knocking the cobwebs out or w/e) I just went and found his clothes. I ended up getting him dressed mostly. Still haven't gotten back to the dishes (which I was about halfway through by now).

When she got out of bed she laughed when she saw the strawberries I had cut for his lunch. Tbh it felts condescending but I don't want to editorialize too much, esp with her autism I misunderstand that kind of stuff sometimes.

"You think this is how you cut strawberries?"

"My bad, I thought that''s how their cut. They're like that in every dish I've seen"

"No they are not. Any culinary school in the world would tell you that"

"Okay. my bad. I wasn't trying to say I was right just why I did them that way"

"But I've showed you this. You've seen me cut his strawberries before. Do you even pay attention?"

While this is going on I'm putting son's shoes on and still haven't gotten back to the dishes.

It was around this point that I was really starting to feel hurt and disappointed. I was trying to make it feel like our anniv and it felt like she was just getting triggered by everything. I was holding back tears honestly.

She asked where son's water bottle was and why I hadn't packed it. Tbf when I see him off to school I often forget the water bottle. She's asking where it is. I go to grab him one off the shelf.

"No, S, he brings the same one everyday. I've told you that. Where is that one?"

I didn't know so she goes and gets it out her car which is where I had found his backpack. She came back in.

"If you had read the thing from school it specifically said not to forget his backpack. Do you read any of the stuff they send us?"

I pretty much broke down at that point and kinda collapsed onto our son's bed and cried. But before I did I asked her if she needed anything else from me and got a frustrated no like I was getting in the way or wasn't helping enough or not doing anything right anyway. She asked why I was crying and what was wrong.

I said I didn't wanna talk about it right now. Tbf I knew this would upset her and shouldn't have said it but normally when I confront her with "well you'e being short this morning" or "you keep getting onto me about everything" I get told I'm misinterpreting things or that she only got onto me for one little thing and I'm making it a thing or whatever and I didn't want that right then. I felt bad enough already.

I'm in his bed crying and they're leaving.

"Why isn't his snack in a bag, S"

"I hadn't gotten to that yet I'm sorry"

"Why didn't you do it when you made his snack??"

I kinda just didn't respond cause we're yelling across the house while I'm in son's room crying.

"Why isn't son's hair brushes??"

"I'm sorry I hadn't gotten to that yet"

"Do you even brush his hair when you take him to school, S"

They leave while she's complaining that her head still hurts which I guess sis probably why she was being curt so I tried to just let it go.

I drag myself out of his bed and take a look at the dishes I still never got back to but I feel like I just don't have time now. I don't have like a job I have to get to per se, but at the beginning of the week I make a calendar for myself (I do work around the ranch for my dad, I've been making my way through ODIN project, I do freelance design work) and my dad helps hold me accountable to it (remember I'm trying to get back to normal after years of fucking up).

I really don't feel like I have time to finish the dishes. I run to the corner store to get some BC to leave for her cause I thought it would be nice put it on the floor at the top of the front steps and then I bounced. We passed each other on my way out on the road. She called me a couple minutes later.

"Was that on purpose or what"

"Was what?"

"Like you making sure to leave before I got back. I would have thought you'd want a better goodbye. You didn't even come out of the room earlier"

"No not at all I just had to go. It's getting late and I have to start my day. Did you see the BC"

"Yeah I saw it. On the floor. Is there a reason you didn't finish the dishes?"

"I really just didn't have time"

"Yeah but this is about you not doing something you said you would do. About keeping your word"

"I know but then I kept getting pulled away all morning making his lunch and getting him dressed and everything"

"You didn't have to do any of that, S. You don't respect my house you know I like my house a certain way. You said you'd do the dishes"

It was at this point that I just couldn't meekly apologize and try to keep things rolling anymore.

"Look I'm gonna go."

"Really? You couldn't even do what you said you were gonna do?"

She texted me 1m later saying "I don't wanna do anything tonight anymore"

I told her that makes me sad. She said it just didn't feel like our anniv this morning. I told her it didn't but I didn't think that was on me, she kept getting onto me about everything and getting upset.

"I wouldn’t have ever thought you’d leave in the middle of dishes on our anniversary "

I told her I shouldn't have and I regret it. But I wouldn't have thought she'd have such a hair trigger on our anniv.

She told me all she got onto me about was the strawberries and that was it. I told her it was a lot of other stuff too and that I had journaled right after she left and it was at least five or six other things but I really didn't wanna just sit there and list them out because I'm hurting.

She said she was too but obviously that doesn't matter to me. I said it does and I'd willing to talk about that.

"Let's talk about that. How am I hurting you"

"I'm good. I'm going to sleep."

I said okay love you and that's the last we've talked.

Probably worth noting that before my sobriety I definitely had a history of some of things that triggered her "not respecting the house, not following through on my word, etc). I've really been trying to do better