Never thought I'd be uploading here but man, I genuinely don't know if I'm in the wrong and I don't know what to do. There's a long story here but I'll try to keep it short while giving as much detail as I can.

I'm a 22 year old guy & I met my girlfriend when I was 14. My girlfriend at the time was 17 & in a relationship, she's currently 26.

We were best friends for the majority of our relationship, I never thought twice about dating her and I assume vice versa. I admired her like a role model, & she treated me like a younger brother. At that point, she'd been dating some really toxic guy for a couple of years. I tried not to get involved, but I'd constantly be told about the awful things he'd say to her, he'd even gone as far as to tell her she should take her own life. I should mention, she had an extremely rough up bringing, having been abused and even SA'd at a really young age by her own family. Because of this, she suffers from severe depression & has tried to take her own life on multiple occasions. It persists to this day, and she'll constantly cut herself and smoke her pen when she feels like I don't want her.

She was extremely nice to me, even giving me money when I needed it (which I always paid back) and I genuinely felt appreciated for once in my life. That just made me all the more angry when she'd express her feelings to me, she'd tell me all the mean things he'd call her, tell me how he never bought her anything in their relationship other than a mirror to take naked pictures for him, but she'd buy him whatever he needed. I believed she was being exploited and pleaded for her to break up with him, which caused us to stop talking for some months.

I apologized months later, and at that point he'd cheated on & broken up with her. Despite this, he'd come back every now and again for nudes and she'd give them to him, brushing it off as being "so his girlfriend can catch him and break up with him". I knew this was cope, she still had romantic feelings there and it was clear as day. I'm not sure why, but eventually she was finally rid of him. Me, I'd been in & out of relationships, trying to find someone who treated me how she did, but also humbled me like she did. I'd share details of relationships with her, and she'd do the same to me. Thing is she'd overshare, to the point where it's currently uncomfortable for me to think back on it.

You're probably wondering how all of that pertains to the question at hand, but I think these are very important details to explain why I feel the way I do currently.

A little over a year ago, we started talking more regularly. I one day came to a tearful realization that I was in love with her, and would regret it for the rest of my life if I didn't at least tell her how I felt. I ended up telling her, and she reciprocated the feelings. I also explained to her that despite my feelings, I didn't want to be in a relationship because I knew what that would intel. She currently no longer lives in the same state as me, I do not have my life together & I wasn't ready to make the commute. She insisted that if I didn't want to be in a relationship, It wasn't really love and my feelings weren't real. I didn't want to lose the opportunity, so I asked her to be my girlfriend after only a couple of days of convincing.

The beginning was great, I was so head over heels that I'd text her every second of the day practically. We talked on the phone a lot and spent lots of time together despite our distance. Unfortunately, this led to my performance and attendance at work worsening, which only started to be apparent when my own coworkers brought it up to me. She lives alone, so I started calling out a lot to make her feel better, as she constantly tells me about how lonely she is and how she has no friends. I'd send her long text messages some nights, detailing how much I loved her. She made me feel good, and I had to let her know.

Unfortunately it didn't last long, after only a month she started to say rude things to me, and it all started when she complained to me about her neighbor who she'd constantly tell me she hated. A little background on the neighbor, her neighbor was a woman with 3 kids, a dog and a boyfriend. My girlfriend is extremely passionate about dogs, and according to her the boyfriend hits the dog. For that reason, she hates the Neighbor because she believes the neighbor is responsible for letting the boyfriend hit the dog. She also complained that they were loud, and was upset that the neighbor was allowed to have the dog but she wasn't allowed to have her own dog (They both rent to the same landlord). To explain what happened, she wished something terrible (I'm sure you can guess) on her neighbor despite having been SA'd in the past. Also said she'd watch and laugh. I didn't agree with that for obvious reasons, and so we got into a fight. That was her first time ever saying "fuck you" to me, although my stance the entire time was just that I wouldn't stand by and let that happen to someone.

It gradually got worse, she'd gotten more comfortable insulting me over silly things like playing video games with other people (men), not being awake at the same time as her, watching shows without her, etc. I started being less affectionate because of this, and now I don't do the long text messages, although to be honest that wasn't supposed to be a normal, everyday thing. I haven't insulted her at all, but most recently I was called a bitch for playing a video game after work instead of trying to do an activity with her. Not that she asked me to, it's just supposed to be my priority I guess.

She wants me to move in with her and I'm down for that because I think it'd be easier for the both of us, but she's giving me a time limit and doesn't understand that I can't just up and leave with no preparation. I'm all alone, I have no help.

I would prefer not to break up with her, but I don't feel like she respects me anymore. She also is adamant on killing herself if I do, as she feels like she's too late to do anything with her life. With the few attempts she's had I don't doubt it at all. I think she may have bpd, but I'm no doctor.