So I(32m) and my wife(41f) have consistently had an issue of boundaries between myself vs her brother(34) or daughter(21) For context we’ve been together about 4yr and have a son who is about 2 1/2. Both the brother and daughter initially had very little respect for me if any at all. They both used to live with us at some point and for a while we all lived together. Her brother used to try and scrap with me over nonsense while living with us and one time it was in front of my son. He’s changed a lot and is in a better place so that behavior stopped. Her daughter however, I’ve had to restrain multiple times. Once while my wife was pregnant and another when she and I got into a big fight. Im not perfect, but I’m a generally calm person so every conflict was jarring. I’m not afraid of confrontation though.

They both moved out, but now they seem to believe they can come through the door whenever they please. I tend to keep it locked but some days I forget. The brother and I had a falling out because he showed up late one night and caught an attitude bc I asked him “Can you knock?” This spawned issues between him and that were ultimately quashed once he got his own place and realized he didn’t like people just walking in either. Like I said he’s changed and grown a lot.

The daughter left her dog with us because he bit someone at her apartment, since then he’s bitten my son twice. I don’t hate the dog, he’s just undisciplined and I’m not looking to take any chances. They were more nips but we had to tell her daughter to take the dog elsewhere. Besides the dog her daughter also likes to just walk in the house whenever and sometimes just starts making food. I would like to state here, that I have repeatedly expressed how much I don’t like this. Especially when her daughter is really shitty to me when given the chance. She’s also the sort of person to just conjure problems and if that doesn’t work, BE the problem, you know the type. I tend to ignore her tbh. She emotionally manipulates her mother and I don’t care for it.

For a while she would just sit in front of our house in her car with the dog for hours because she couldn’t get anyone to take him. The other day I was taking a nap and she just walked in the house with her dog and I had to grab him. I get the sense she’s trying to emotionally blackmail us into taking him in again. Then I find out my wife invited the her and the dog back in when I’ve been adamant about at least the dog staying out of the house. I feel as though I’m not being taken seriously given the conversation had when she told me she let the dog back in.

I’m not looking to separate the family at all. My wife’s main answer is how uncomfortable she feels having to tell her family no or to set boundaries so that leaves me in a space of questioning how important is it when I feel uncomfortable? Even when I protest it takes weeks or months for her to say something or stick up for me. I pay the majority of the bills and her family doesn’t pay anything. They don’t live with us. I feel like it’s a simple ask. Dot show up unexpected and don’t walk in without knocking. I get its family but I dont even do that to my parents.