*My i guess now ex lets call him Z. Had been cheated on several times I think 3. I didn't know but I think he might have very bad trust issues. In my relationship before this we always had access to eachothers phones but we didn't go through them. However since it was never an issue I would have let my past partner go through my phone if I was doing something that made them believe I was cheating. Bc that really would have been out of character and definitely for a reason. I told Z this at some point before realizing he was a very jealous person. He fell hard and fast and I was falling more cautiously. And for good reason maybe. Im still not sure if thats actually what caused all of this.

Anyway. Z is very private, he always turns his phone away from me even though im not looking to snoop but just to see what video hes watching unconsciously or something. I dont know where he lives. He knows my entire life pretty much, as im a much more open person and dont really see the point in not saying what or who im with at what time or where I live if we're dating and not seeing other people.

*Weve been seeing eachother for about 3 months. Z would always make side remarks about me texting my other guys as "jokes" . Well one day it wasnt a joke.

I had one person I said I would not cut ties with that i made out with one time, huge regrets, and he'd just have to trust there is nothing bc truly there is not, weed dealer that drops it and goes. We would never hang and I let him know i was seeing someone seriously. Z agreed that this was fine but when I told him I was gonna need to be home to get it. Z freaked out and no version of the situation i suggested was helpful. Z just wanted me to never talk to him or block him. And I said no. He was telling me to just go fuck this guy, Go hang out with him get your drugs, choose drugs over me, he should have known id do this. Over and over and over...

At first I tried showing him how there's no recent texts only business related ones but he didn't want to see. Which id done in the past but he'd said I could make it look however I want? . I had seen Z angry and jealous with me but this time I couldn't understand where it was coming from especially now that we're both committed and in something serious

It was very hurtful for me to be called a liar and a cheater pretty much and seemingly out of the blue. I tried to understand but it was a side of him id never seen. It was scary in a way. I've never dealt with someone truly jealous so I did some research on how to deal with jealous partners and looked up perspectives on various scenarios and came to the conclusion that you can't convince someone to trust you and it just takes time and consistency . That I should hold some boundaries. One being not showing Z my phone or letting him go through it bc it would become a recurring thing. And that this is his thing to work through but i need to show compassion and patience.

So I told him this can't happen again and I thought it was very disrespectful to be accused and told to just go fuck some guy. And if he thought he couldn't do it we should just end it here. We agreed to move forward. I have slightly defended myself on small things hes hinted at about infidelity but I've really tried not to play into it bc it riles him up. Theres also been arguments since about me seeing other people. I am not seeing other people.

Today we were having a serious discussion about compatibility and that I really care for him but I prefer spending more time together. And what his preference would be longterm, if he has time for this in general etc. It had a positive outcome where he actually wanted to see me more aswell.

The other topic was Z being std tested which i said id need from the beginning yet still has not happened. At some point he said it was fine but it actually was not. I also am pretty sure he wasnt always wearing condoms and hasnt been tested in a long time. Hes suggested why dont i just trust him many times. I want to but its not really about that. This topic always upsets him. Ive been patiently waiting and i would continue to do so but i needed him to know this wouldnt change.

*When he suddenly asked me to be honest and if I was still talking to other men or flirting or hanging out. Of course I'm not. Everyone i talk to that is a man Z knows or knows of.
He then asked to let him go through my phone I said no. he said wow thats all I need to know, that answers everything. I say are you serious? He says yes and that I said id let my partner go through my phone if they needed reassurance.(true but things are so different now) I say go "through it" or just see that I'm not text calling or chatting with anyone I shouldn't be and he says go through it. I say no. He says hes serious and about to leave. I say no i think its an invasion of privacy. He leaves. For good im sure. And maybe thats for the best .

*Im so surprised but also not at this point? Its been a bit of a roller coaster. I do kind of wonder if I made the wrong decision. I really liked this man and we'd always have so much fun together..but Im worried he would've never been able to trust me, in more ways than one. Or maybe just wasnt ready to settle down. But what if the one time he went through my phone would've earned his trust officially? My phone has things almost 8 years back so it felt like a huge invasion of privacy from him specifically but not the past relationship and I can't explain why. Am I the jerk? Sigh

Tldr: jealous bf broke up with me for not letting him "go through" my phone. Since I had nothing to hide should I have just let him even if this is seemed like a cycle?