Background-my sibling (35F)stopped talking to my mom roughly 7 years ago, including not allowing my mom to see my sister's kids. The argument was over something dumb, but my sister stood on our overbearing and strict upbringing as a reason to cut her off. My mom wasn't abusive physically, but did (at times) use love as a reward or punishment. I do recognize that I was not subjected to that as much as my sister. After we became adults and had our own kids my started actively working to change and make amends, but wasn't always successful. It's worth noting here that my mom was severely abused as a child.

Slightly more background - my sister hasn't always been the best person. Morally or ethically. There have been multiple and frequent occasions where I caught her in a lie. She has definitely been especially shitty to me on more than one occasion and certainly to my mom. Example on my end- I was going through some severe PTSD with a domestic abuse and SA situation. I couldn't make it work I was so mentally gone and asked to borrow some money. My sister told me no, that I needed to learn to help myself and get off the antianxiety meds.

My mom passed 3 months ago after a 1.5 year battle with a neurodegenerative condition that took everything from her. Since healthcare in the US sucks once she was discharged from the hospital and rehab, it was up to my dad and me to take care of her. My sister never really came around during that time, even though I reached out to let her know my mom was very sick.

About 6 months before my mom passed I reached out again to ask for help to work the system to get my mom into a LTC facility since I was on the verge of losing my job and mind, and my mom couldn't get LTC insurance because well, America. For those out of the US, LTC facilities can run up to $8k/m. My sister and I sorta started taking again.

A few weeks before my mom passed I reached out to let her know it would be soon. My sister started coming around more, we started taking more. We've become closer even. She seems to have changed some of her past behavior, even apologized for a ton of things and expressed guilt for not being there more, putting the whole burden on my dad and me.

As paperwork is coming in, my dad tells me my mom left 2 accounts for him and me that total around $200k for me and $40k for him, he gets the house. My mom also left me a life insurance policy $130k with me as the sole beneficiary. There is a 4th trust account that is split between the 3 of us with each of getting $50k. I knew my mom was removing my sister from some things in her estate, but I also had absolutely ZERO idea my mom was leaving this much to anyone, especially me. We never talked about it, except that my dad would keep the house.

The other week my sister brought up how money had been hard and how much she wants to do things for her kids she promised them. Nothing like crazy vacations or frivolous. I started to feel bad and like I should say something or offer to help. But I just can't bring myself to.

I don't want the money for anything but my kids. My son is a disabled adult, my daughter is in college. I want to help them and leave them something when I go to the other side. A part of me also doesn't trust that she will use the money for what she claims. It's just been too short of a period of time. The trust hasn't been rebuilt for me yet.

I just don't know. AITAH for not saying anything or sharing?

Edit- my sister knows about the 4th trust account and has already signed the paperwork to receive it. Sorry for leaving that part out.

Edit- apologies again for not making it clear she is getting the trust. Grief does strange things to your brain, even though I proof read this four times before posting, then continued to debate if I should.