I belong to asian country. Recently we lost our fil to liver cirrhosis. It happened in just matter of few months and he never drank or something. It was hard. Because we tried out best and he got hernia, kidney issues altogether in matter of months and his body wasn't capable of operation let alone transplant. Even though we arranged money which was around 50k usd. He was talking to us in morning and by afternoon he just stopped talking and in end died with heart attack at hospital .

My husband worked long hours to make money. So I took care of household and mil took care of father. It was hard feeling for months and it took toll on all of us mentally

So we have ten mourning days after funeral. Mil and i cried. But we didn't fit definition of grief by society standards where everyone scremas and cry loudly. We know how much we are in pain.

The extended family of his brothers and sisters who never even visited for months when he was in death bed. Started criticising me and mil that we don't even show grief and could've taken them to other big hospitals.

Before i could speak. My sil spoke up who lives in other state with her husband.

That how they are pathetic to criticize us when non of them ever offered help. How her brother worked long hours to arrange money for weekly injections and took to other state hospitals. Our fil himself refused to admit himself, when famous doctor wanted him to admit two months back. We tried but he didn't agree.

How they are judging other grief when mil served fil day and night. How Naomi ( me ) cooked full meals for family, another set of health food for fil, took care of our children and household. How Naomi left her decent job because family needed me. She said she herself couldn't be available due to her family issues. Naomi fullfiled the duty of daughter. And who are they to judge us?

Relatives fumed and said they cared abt fil as he was their brother and blah blah. And how we let sil disrespect them. My husband has lost interest in extended family and has vowed never to help cousins when time comes for their parents too. They had problem because my husband barely talked to them and my family helped in funeral and other activities. When eldest uncle's wife tried to shame my husband for cold attitude, my mil pointed out that he has same nature as the eldest uncle who is cold fish and only visited once in six months to meet fil. This shut them up for good.

Sil and I are not close. But this time I really felt appreciated. In our culture, son and dil take responsibility of parents. And first time she said good for me and stood for me. I felt this has given new direction to our relationship which was just cordial earlier. I feel we can be more than cordial after all these years.

Yeah I felt appreciated by her for once. We never had same wavelength. From wedding shopping dresses to post marriage issues. We never became close. But fil health and all those months. She changed her attitude towards me. I think we could've a new start in our relationship for once.