I (21 F) and my (ex?) best friend, let’s call her Amanda, (21 F) haven’t spoken in a few months now. Here’s some backstory: We’ve been friends since high school and Amanda had been with her bf (22 M) since high school as well. We both ended up at the same college and dorm room. We had an absolute blast and loved living together, it felt very easy to live with one another as we share similar life styles. We also ended up at the same job because she helped me get an interview at her place of work, I needed money and hadn’t had a real job at that point in time yet. We didn’t work super closely together, as we were in different buildings so it’s not like we spent every single second together. You would think that we would get sick of each other at some point but that never happened. We enjoyed it. Fast forward a few months to 4th of July 23’, I often hung out with Amanda and her bf because I had no one else to be with, she was my friend and at the time I hadn’t minded the third wheeling. I gave them space when they needed it as well. But that night, her bf’s brother (24 M) is at the place we are hanging out. I had met him a couple times before, but never really talked to him or got to know him. I thought he was cute and funny but didn’t want to pursue anything because I didn’t want to make things between me, Amanda and her bf, complicated. However, I had a couple drinks in me and Amanda was busy with her bf, which is completely cool. I was left talking with the brother and felt that he enjoyed my company as much as I enjoyed his. We ended up both sleeping on separate sides of the couch with a giant pillow in between us, but not before we had talked and talked all night long about anything and everything. It felt easy with him. The next morning I tell Amanda what happened and wanted her to tell me if she thought it was unusual or if she thought it wasn’t okay. She had a little bit of reservation due to how it is her bf’s brother, but ultimately didn’t have a problem with it. She just wanted me to be happy. A couple weeks go by, I’m still talking to this man, and things are getting a bit more serious. I start to think of what this might mean for my relationship with Amanda. I really didn’t want to complicate anything anymore, as I felt like we shared so much in life already. I didn’t want her to feel like I was completely encroaching on her life. I made 100% sure that it was okay with her that I pursue this relationship. Quite a few months later, something with Amanda changed. She was no longer enjoying college, not that we ever enjoyed it but she was losing motivation. She had stopped going to classes, I knew at this point she wanted to drop out. I supported that, as in the future I would do the same thing. However she made this decision so quickly and with little conversation letting me know. This would mean that she’s moving out of the dorm. I couldn’t afford this two room dorm myself and I have extreme social anxiety, there was no way I could let a stranger in. I also couldn’t get in to a single dorm as there were no vacancies. Like I said I fully supported her dropping out but at the same time this left me high and dry and she didn’t seem to bat an eye at how this was effecting me. I ended up having to move back home and quit my job that I loved. About 2 hours away. My bf, again, who was her bf’s brother, moved to be closer to me by the college. Just months recently. And now I am moving back home, I left him and felt I had no choice. This created a small amount of resentment towards Amanda, but I still loved her and wanted what was best for her. After I moved home there wasn’t a ton of communication between Amanda and I. Mostly because she’s very “out of sight out of mind” and has admitted that to me a few times. Fast forward now to when her and her bf broke up. I hadn’t spoken to her in a while but she never told me anything about their relationship being rocky, as I visited her a month or so prior.
At this point I’m fully integrated into my bf’s family, we had been together about a year. I found out from his mom that Amanda broke up with her bf. He was totally heartbroken as they just moved in together, been together like 3 years and he loved her a lot. I wasn’t sure about the context but I assumed she would text me about it eventually, and I thought about it everyday. Wondering if I should reach out to see what happened. Every time I thought about texting her, I just didn’t know what to say or how to ask. I had heard from her now ex bf that she told him “I just don’t love you anymore” and that she hadn’t for a few months before she told him. Allegedly, she had feelings for a person she worked with. I didn’t want to believe that she was doing anything behind his back but at the same time she had changed a lot since we first were at the dorms together. It was probably a little over a month when she finally texted me. Neither of us even brought up the breakup. I tried to rekindle a friendship, it seemed like she wanted to as well. But she hasn’t responded to my last message that was sent in the beginning of February. I can’t help but feel like I could have reached out after the breakup but it also didn’t feel like my place. And I was so disheartened that she never once told me about it. We were best friends we told each other everything important that happened in our lives. That felt really important. But my question is ATIAH for not talking to her after they broke up? Are we not friends now because of that? If more context is needed I am happy to provide. Thank you.