I had posted this before but tried to make it sound vague just due to being paranoid, but I do genuinely want the advice here lol. This is long, I’m sorry, but I want to add any detail that could help figure out where I became the AH.

So, I (26F) have been working at a childcare center for the last 6 years. It’s set up more like a school, where each teacher has their own classroom and I love this- I’m very shy and I have an anxiety disorder, so not having to talk to my coworkers is great. I show up, teach a group of 4 year olds their ABC’s, and I go home.

In the past 6 years I’ve gone to a total of 0 work Holiday parties, team building events, etc. I’ve just told my coworkers and boss that I’d rather be at home with my family and they usually just laugh or just say that they get it. Sometimes they try to convince me, but no one has ever held it against me that I’d rather keep my work relationships at work.

Recently, a new person (30F) has started working with us. Her position is just to fill in for us daycare teachers on our days off, so really I’d never be working WITH her. She trained with me her first day and I told her straight away that I’m terrible at training and that I’m shy and don’t talk much (I usually try to tell people this straight away because I know that me being shy and socially anxious can come off as me being rude lol). She just laughed and said that’s okay, and that she has experience in this field so it’s less training and more getting to know the kids. It was still awkward, because I’m awkward, but there was definitely no tension or anything of the sort.

The next day, she clocks in and pushes her child into my classroom, saying he liked it in there when he was with her during our training. Then she walked away. I was a little confused, because I wasn’t expecting to add another child into my classroom and my boss hadn’t mentioned it, but I didn’t want to just shove the kid back into the hallway and tell him to go find his mom lol. So I just served him breakfast and let him hangout with my class.

My boss stopped by and asked why he was there and I explained- she asked if I was okay with it and I kind of just shrugged and said I didn’t know what to do, and I’d feel bad telling her that he couldn’t be there, so my boss said she’d talk to her “for me”. About five minutes later my boss calls me into the break room where my new coworker is sobbing, and my boss asks me to tell her that it’s not her child’s fault. So I do, and I say he can stay in my class, whatever. I didn’t want to make her feel bad.

The next two months, I work as usual. I show up, do my job, go home. I talk to my new coworker only when I need to; explaining what I have planned for when she covers my class or replying when she asks how her child’s day went. She had started telling me that her child is feeling jealous of her having more time with her youngest child, and that he would complain that he wasn’t feeling well in efforts to be in a classroom with her instead of in my classroom. It went back and forth, her saying to just ignore it and try to keep him in class, but then the next day she’d say she’d just keep him with her, etc. It was obviously a little frustrating, but I just went with the flow. He’s not even supposed to be in my class, so I didn’t fuss about whether or not she wanted to pull him out for the day.

Last week I had asked her about something that happened when she covered for my class and we chatted a bit about it, and then she said she’s trying to get her child to come into my class but he wanted to stay with her as usual. I kind of just smiled and nodded, because I know that he’d rather hangout with mom. Then I worked as usual.

That afternoon my boss had called me into her office and asked “what’s going on?”. I was obviously confused and just looked at her confused lol. She then started to ask if I’m having any issues with a specific coworker or a specific child. I told her no, and that honestly if I did seem off at all, I’m just starting to feel burnt out. She said she “could tell”, and then said that maybe removing my coworkers child out of my class would help. I was even more confused (he’s hardly in there anyway) but just said okay.

The next day, my coworker stopped in and said she “hopes this helps”, and that there’s been a lot of tension between us. I was still confused, and I kind of just shrugged and continued working. I can see how my shrugging was pretty rude, but I couldn’t think of anything to say, because it seemed so out of the blue.

That afternoon, I finally came out of my cave (my classroom lol) to talk to a coworker that I’m pretty close with. We just briefly chatted in the hallway when the new coworker stepped out into the hallway as well and said something that neither I nor my work-friend heard. We both looked at her and asked what she had said, and even asked each other, but the new coworker just crossed her arms over her chest and stared past us down the hall before returning to the classroom she was in. Myself and my work-friend just shrugged, chalking it up to maybe she wasn’t even talking to us and just needed a minute in the hall away from her class.

Not even five minutes later I’m called into my boss’s office a second day in a row. My new coworker is sat there crying, and my boss just tells me to sit down. The new coworker says that she thought about walking out twice that day because of me specifically. She said I don’t talk to her ever, and I just ignored her now in the hall.

I explained that both myself and my work-friend didn’t hear her and asked her to repeat herself, but then she went on to say I ignore her “every time” she talks to me and that I’m being immature and cliquey by not talking to her. I explain that I haven’t been talking to /anyone/ for over a month and that I just come here to work, not make friends. Even my boss told her that I am just a quiet person in general. But then she continues- she says I’ve been treating her son differently than the other children and that I’m continuously “sending him to [her]” because of his behavior. That was flat out not the truth, I actually bent the rules a bit by welcoming him as part of the class when he wasn’t even on the roster, and I said just that. I was obviously confused about where this was coming from, and kept looking to my boss for context, but all my boss would say is that we need to work on having better communication.

Again, I work alone. We’re only coworkers in the sense that we work for the same childcare facility. And just the day before we were having a very normal conversation, I even initiated it.

The coworker just kept crossing her arms and saying “we’ll see!” when my boss suggested we work on it. I truly didn’t say anything, because I debunked her claims of me pushing her child away, and us not talking is such a non-issue when WE DON’T WORK TOGETHER.

I just thought the entire thing was silly, and that my new coworker was just having a rough day, so I went on with my day and went home. But the more I thought about it, the more I wondered if just simply being quiet really hurt her that bad and if I need to say or do anything to fix that.

My other coworkers who heard everything (my boss’s office walls don’t reach the high ceilings, so if you even walk by you can hear every word), and everyone was asking why my boss even let that happen. They were asking why she didn’t just have my back, or explain to this other person that we don’t have to talk everyday to work at the same place. One coworker even said I should demand an apology from my boss for her bringing me in blindly and letting me be verbally attacked.

My boss did come to me yesterday and asked me why I’m mad at her (her being my boss). I said I’m not (…because I’m not) and tried to continue working. My boss then explained that if I’m mad about the situation from last week, that my coworker had been coming to my boss “every day last week” saying she would walk out because of me and that she said she was going to confront me herself, and that’s why my boss decided to pull me into the office instead.

Last week I was home sick on Monday, my new coworker has Tuesdays off, and Wednesdays are my days off. So if new coworker was complaining Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday… I wasn’t even there to cause any “tension” she feels.

So, idk. AITAH for not wanting to talk to my coworker, is my boss the AH for handling it this way, and where do I go from here?