this is a long one.... so when i was in 7th grade i moved states and started going to a new school. My first day, the girls were nice to me, the boys talked to me, and i felt welcomed. I made a few friends, and it was nice. Thursday on the first week, a boy started to talk to me. It was in PE class, and he just sorta followed me around. I'd never had a boyfriend before, or any guy show interest, so it was nice. He made me laugh, and he was nice. The next day, he asked if i had a crush on anyone. I said maybe, because i was starting to develop feelings for him. He kept bugging me about it, so I said i would tell him later when the bell rang. I talked to my friends about it, and they encouraged me to tell him. so i wrote a note, telling him i like him, and gave it to him when we were switching classes. The next time we switched classes, he gave me one back. The note said that he liked me back, and I was very happy. After school, he asked me to be his girlfriend, and i said yes. I was ecstatic, because ive never had a boyfriend before and I wanted to experience it, but also because i really liked this boy. The course of the next week, he was super nice. Buying me things, carrying my bag, and even gave me a cool rock from a museum. I loved it, loved the attention, loved everything about it.

Then things started to change.

The next few days, he was asking sexual questions. I answered them honestly, but they made me very uncomfortable. Then he asked me if I would "do it" with him.I was uncomofrtable, but i said yes. He then told me that he would make a plan for us to do it WHILE IN SCHOOL. I said no, i wasnt comfortable, and i didnt wanna do it. He said ok, but he said "can we just kiss then?" I said sure, but not right now. And he said ok, and stopped with the sexual questions.

The next day, he said he wanted to kiss me, so I said ok. "But in private, like in that closet." he pointed to the janitors closet. I wanted to say no, but i really liked this boy, and i wanted to keep him as my boyfriend. i kept thinking that its just a kiss, nothing can happen.

So i followed him in the closet. He closed the door. Then he kissed me. It wasn't life changing, but i liked it. My first kiss. Then he started heavily making out with me. Hard. I said to please stop, i didnt like this, i wanna go now.But he kept kissing me, then he started taking my clothes off. I kept saying to stop, i dont want to, but he took my clothes off. And then he put my hands above my head and started to... do it. I wanted to scream, but he covered my mouth. I was short back then, and he was about 5'11, and he played football, so he was way stronger than me. When he was finished, he told me not to tell anyone, and he would get in trouble. I was crying, saying i didnt like it, that i wanted to break up with him. He then told me that i was the most amazing and beautiful girl he's ever met, and that he's sorry, and he never wanted to lose me and wanted to marry me. I was hysterical, crying, but started to calm down. He got dressed and told me he's sorry, then left. I put my clothes back on, deciding whether to tell someone or to keep quiet. I got dressed and left, then went in the bathroom. I then decided i wouldnt tell anyone, that it was one time, and i was overreacting. Me and him would live in harmony and get married and live happily ever after, right?

Then he ghosted me.

I couldnt text him because i had no phone, but when he was at school, he completely avoided me and ignored me. I was heartbroken, and i was mad.

So i decided to tell my counselor about the incident.

I told her everything, how i didn't wanna do it, and it hurt like hell, and i hated it. "is this boy your boyfriend?" she asked. I said yes, and what does that have to do with anything. "well honey, that's just a thing couples do sometimes. You should be old enough to know that." she said. I was dumbfounded. Here I am, telling a trusted adult about my assault, and she said that basically i'm dumb? Since then, i havent told anyone else. I always thought that it was "just intercourse" and it was normal. Reading other people's stories about this made me realize that it was wrong. I turn 16 in a few weeks, so it has been awhile. I have been debating to tell my mom, but she is not that supportive and often gets mad at me for things. For example, when i told her about my self harm, she got mad and said that i'm just a hormonal teenager, and i'm dumb for doing that to my body. I'm debating whether to tell my friend, who's very supportive, and seek forgiveness? I know whoever reads this doesn't know me at all, but it feels good to get this off my chest. Thanks for whoever listened.