So this is going to be a long one.. and I'm defintely aware that I am in the wrong and an asshole in alot of parts in this story.

So I had been dating this guy (ill call him Tom) on and off from about the age of 14/15 to 17. He was a friend of a friend and it never really evolved into anyting serious or sexual at any point, but the emotions would periodicly flare up from time to time. A few years later (i was about 19 i think) he started hangig out more with my friend group, and at some point we ended up hangig together just the two of us (this was usually after all of our other friends had left). At this point he had a girlfriend that he had been with for a little while, and they were living together.

He started to give me the impression that things werent good between them, and it would probably end soon. I cant quite remember the timeperspectiv of all the events, but we ended up having our first kiss and i fell fast for him. I then sent him a long message of how stupidly in love i was with him and he later told me they were going on a break. In this period we ended up sleeping together for the first time...

The break they were on eventually ended, and they continued to stay together. I was obviusly heartbroken, but at this point i was so attached to him that we continued sleeping together occasionally and talking every day. We had periods were we did not see each other, this went on and off for about under a year. At some point in this timeframe he told me he loved me, but i wasnt able to comitt to the words or accept that i was feeling the same while he was with another person.

They eventually split up and she started to move out, he told me that he would need some time after the break up. I obviously wanted to respect his wishes and waited for him to contact me when he was ready.

I cant quite remember how it went down or how i found out, but she ended up moving in again a couple off days later. This time i was absolutely broken.

The whole ordeal was tramatic and really fucked with me mentally. I had a really hard time of letting go, even after we meet up for a last time so i could get my frustation out. I later have come to the conclution that it might have been some form of limerence.

I eventually was able to move on and am currantly in an amazing relationship of 3 years now. I love my BF so much and he means the world too me.

Last summer, there was an unfortunate episode after a party where Tom tried to kiss me. We were obviously very drunk, and im afraid i kinda gave him the impresssion that it was going that direction. I pulled away before it even became a kiss. I told my boyfriend about the insident soon after (i had already told him the story with him at an earlier point). It hurt him ofc, but he was happy that it didnt turn into anything more.

About a month or two later, Tom and his girlfriend annonce their engagement. I then was split about telling the girlfriend the full story. I know that she knows bits and pieces, but not quite sure if he would be the type to tell her his mistakes. Later i also found out that she had seen a message from me to him referring to the time he told me he loved me, but i think he scoffed it off - portraying me as delusional. I decided to leave it and that i honestly didnt owe her anything either. Plus i dont think i would be able to meet her face-to-face or call and tell her, and sending a message just felt wrong.

As expected they now have announced their wedding date later this year, and i still cant shake of the feeling that i should tell her.