Okay, this is a sort of semi-long story and also my first time posting on Reddit (honestly the whole reason I made this account to begin with).

I, (29 F), have been with my fiancée (30 F) for about three years now. We met at college and stayed friends afterwards, I had been pretty open about my sexuality at the time (atleast with most people) and we started dating shortly after. Three years later and I finally proposed to her, it went well and now we’re planning our engagement party.

We decided that it should include only family since we wanted them to actually meet each other for the first time. (I have met her parents, she has met my mom and most people from her side of the family as my fiancée but she’s met my dad as a friend. She was okay with this because of some things I will mention later.)

Now here comes the tricky part, my parents have been divorced for as long as I can remember, my mom was always the more laid back parent and my dad…well he was okay. He tried his best but he still hurt me and my siblings and was very religious. This weird extreme religious behavior is what made me not tell him about my fiancée.

He’s been homophobic for as long as I can remember, if my brother had a hobby he considered ‘girly’ he’d yell at him and tell him to ‘Stop acting like those fags’, if I consistently called a friend ‘pretty’ he’d pull me aside and tell me that I shouldn’t find a girl pretty the way I found a guy handsome, I heard him saying to one of his relatives once ‘If one of my kids turned out like those freaks I’d disown them’. This was definitely the thing discouraging me, a thirteen year old at the time, from telling him I had a thing for women and not men. Plus I already had a few bad experiences with him so this just scared me more.

Now about the invitations, my fiancée mentioned that I should invite him since he was my dad and it had been a while since he said or acted in a homophonic way, plus she brought up the fact that I couldn’t hide this from him forever. So, after a bit of convincing and encouragement from my girlfriend I decided to send him an invitation.

I decided that before the invitations were sent I was going to actually talk with him and tell him about my fiancée and everything, but plans changed and the invitations were sent before I had the chance to talk with him.

Fast forward to Friday when the invitations were sent, I had been busy all day so my phone was on DND and my fiancée’s phone had been broken for a while and was getting fixed. The next morning (yesterday) I woke up and my phone was bombarded with notifications/missed calls from my dad and his wife.

So, I called him and before I could get a word in he just started yelling, saying things like ‘How could you do this to me?’ and ‘This is the way I find out?’ etc, he didn’t sound upset he just sounded mad. Like really mad. I tried to explain and I told him how I wanted to tell him before but plans got switched and about how I was scared of his reaction and that’s when he just snapped.

He went off on me and said, ‘Ofcourse you should have been worried about my reaction. I found out my daughter is a fag through a goddamn engagement invitation. This is unnatural, how the hell am I supposed to react? What am I supposed to tell people when they ask about my daughter? This is wrong and I won’t be participating in your freak show.’ And hung up.

I got a few texts from his wife aswell talking about how ‘disgusting’ and ‘vile’ I am. I’ve tried talking with him but he refuses to even acknowledge me anymore, and I don’t know what to do. I’ve been crying since yesterday and my fiancée has been supporting me through all this.

I don’t know what to do and I don’t know if I’m in the wrong about this. I just don’t want to lose my dad, even if he’s done some messed up things, he’s still my dad.