Here we go. I (F19) met my best friend at the time (M20) around 2 1/2 years ago. We connected fast, and quickly became friends. I had many friends especially at the age we met, but he’s told me before that I’m his only one and the only one he’s really had. As we grew closer, I eventually met his girlfriend (F23). We were distant at first but of course being around each other more often I grew to like her a lot. At the time of meeting them and knowing them I was single. However now I’m in a relationship with my girlfriend (F20) who I live with. We did our best to maintain this relationship and make everyone mesh together, however my girlfriend and him don’t get along. We’ve been trying for over a year, it’s just not happening. Because of him not liking my girlfriend, we naturally grew to be a little distant. I grew closer to his girlfriend, and now see her as a genuine friend.

Here comes the drama. As I grew closer to her, she became very comfortable opening up to me. In the time I’ve known her, she’s been a very regular drinker. Just think of a typical 20 year old party girl. That’s how I saw her. We all also like to drink, except for my friend (her bf) who doesn’t. I think it makes him feel left out at times because none of us smoke, and that’s all he does. This has probably caused even more distance. He started being cold to me and pushing me away, and ghosts me when I make an effort to hang out. They were my only 2 friends, so in this time I talk to his girlfriend a lot. I consider her my friend, and I don’t talk to him on his own anymore.

Recently, she got let go from a job. She told all of us it was because she was taking too much time off, but then on the side eventually told me it’s because she got caught with alcohol in her locker. She also eventually told me that during the time they were broken up, she slept with someone else. She’s also asked me before that when her bf is at work (he works night shift) if she can leave her phone at home and sneak over to mine to get drunk. I’ve never agreed to this, however she admitted she’s done it previously with other people, including with other guys. I know that she drinks at her new job regularly, and sneaks alcohol. Her alcoholism is no longer just a party girl thing, it’s an addiction. She’s also admitted that to me, that she knows it’s not just because she’s young. That her mom is the same way and she’ll never outgrow it.

Her boyfriend isn’t oblivious to her alcohol abuse, it’s why he hates her drinking even occasionally on weekends when me and my girlfriend do. She’s drunk called him and crashed someone else’s car, came home from work drunk, etc. He knows.

I hadn’t talked to him in over a week, after triple texting him trying to hang out. He called me last night crying, distraught, asking me if I’ve talked to his girlfriend. “No, not in a couple day” He tells me his mom (they live together at his parents house) called him to let him know she showed up at 5pm home drunk, acting very off, but still agreeing to drive his little brother to practice. His mom realized she was under the influence so of course said nevermind, and then she left their house and left her phone at home. He’s asking me if I think she left him, and of course what I’m thinking is she thinks she’s sly and will pretend to sleep so she can go party or something. I let him come over, and when he comes inside I let him vent, and I probably obviously have a guilty look on my face. Knowing all of this information has been eating at me, and I have the strongest urge ever to tell him. Every time she tells me something new I feel so guilty, but my girlfriend urges me not to get involved or in the middle. I don’t encourage her to share her secrets, and I don’t share his secrets (which are very similar) to his girlfriend either. I just stopped trying to hear those things from her.

But now he’s sitting in my apartment crying and confused and upset and of course I tell him what I know. Still not all of it, and I say I’m so sorry for not saying anything. That I didn’t want to be the one to bring up conflict, but that I’ve known about her alcohol misuse lately. That she’s been sharing a lot with me lately, putting me in a really uncomfortable position.

He basically leaves immediately, saying he feels so stupid for being left out of all this, and that he’d tell me if it was switched. I keep apologizing, saying I really understand how betraying this must feel, but that me withholding the information wasn’t to protect her but literally to not be involved. He basically projects it all onto me and says we’re not going to be friends anymore and leaves. I urged him to try and see the position that I was put in, but he could care less about my position. I just didn’t know what to do. They’ve lived together for 4 years, and have had a very toxic relationship the entire time I’ve known them. I didn’t want to be the one to start something when I felt like he already obviously knew a lot of what was going on. I still have his location, I see he went home to her and still the next morning they are there together. He will probably forgive her and now my friendship with both of them is destroyed.

AITA for not saying something sooner?