I, 17 F, am having a major birthday later this year (18) - soon but I won’t specify. My mum, 46 F, and my (soon to be) step dad, 35 M, have chosen to get married almost a week or so ago.

They’ve been together since I was five or six, so twelve to thirteen years. They’ve been engaged for like eleven years I think. But they want to get married before I leave for Uni (college for the Americans out there reading this) in September. So I can understand why they’ve picked to have it soon, but the dates they’ve chosen are making me a bit upset.

I don’t come from poverty or a struggling home, but we’ve struggled with things like alcoholism (my mum and her fiancée obviously) and past altercations that have left me traumatised - though my mum chooses to ignore what happened. But we’re comfortable. We don’t have an excess of money or too little. We do well for what we’ve got but we’ve never had TOO MUCH. We have what we need and it’s enough. So I’ve never had any massive parties thrown, or done anything or experienced anything too lavish until recently- specifically our largest holiday last year after my step dad got a new job and a raise, he took us to Switzerland.

But, most of the time, I’m overlooked. I’ve always fended for myself - though they refuse to admit that. I was a pub kid, for any brits out there that know what that is. I took care of other people’s kids whilst my parents got drunk with theirs. We’d go to their houses so they could get more drunk, whilst I begged to go home and slept on couches. I had no friends growing up and a distant father who was manipulative towards my view on my mother and my step dad.

And whenever I bring any of this up, I get shut down. I get it,, the past is in the past but I feel like it’s weighing me down. The biggest “party” I’ve had was my thirteenth. It was in lockdown, so it was limited, but the people who I planned on inviting were willing to come over and break the rules if we all tested negative the morning of the sleepover. However, my mum said no. So i requested that I just didn’t have a party. I was upset - obviously. Instead of listening to me, she invited my childhood best friend over. I was ecstatic. But of course, it didn’t last. She invited my step cousin and step sister and my best friends little sister. So everyone there was younger than me besides my friend. My sister stole the attention from me and I ended up sleeping in my step brothers spare room alone.

It wasn’t a party. And now that this major birthday is coming up, I want a day about me. They promised they’d make a week out of it, because we don’t have the money to do something insane.

My birthday is on a Thursday, and I’m not sure if I’ll be out of college by the time of it, so I planned to have the Saturday be my official party date. Get my friends together at a pub we go to and have a nice night. Most of my friends are unemployed, unfortunately, but the ones that are would be free on the Saturday.

But of course, my parents planned three possible dates.

The Saturday I wanted for my party, the day after, or the Sunday the next week. My mum said she’d prefer the Saturday.

I really don’t want her to get married on the Saturday. I want one day. One day for me and that’s it. I don’t even care about the ‘birthday week’ I just want this one thing. This one day to be with my friends and have it about me for once. I put literally everybody first. And I’m not just saying this.

I’ve never put myself first. I don’t want to. But I’m so tired of ignoring my own needs for other people that never seem to give me anything back.

Yes, I love my parents, they care about me. They put a roof over my head. But I want this one thing. And I even told my mum about the Saturday. And now suddenly they’re planning on making it their day?

I don’t know what to do, I feel so selfish and I feel like I’ve over shared here but I needed to get all of this out.