My husband is saying that I’ll break the family because of this.

Back in January, right after our wedding, my brother-in-law (BIL) confided in me about feeling pressured to marry his girlfriend of two years. He told me she had been asking him to marry her because she's being sent out of the country soon and wants a PR card to stay in Canada. He said he never really saw himself getting married, especially not right now. He still lives with his mom and doesn’t have a job, but he felt bad for her, so he went along with it.

A few months passed, and then I overheard my mother-in-law (MIL) talking to BIL about needing to buy wedding rings. I asked him about it, and he said he had decided to go through with the wedding. He admitted he’s stressed and just wants to pretend everything is normal. He even asked how much a divorce would cost. I warned him about the risks of not just getting married, but also sponsoring someone. He said he understood but that he trusts her.

Now, BIL just sent a message in the group chat announcing the date and location of the wedding—it’s next month, on the exact day we had already planned a birthday getaway with my dad, which also happens to be MIL’s birthday. MIL was thrilled because she thought it would be a special day for the family.

When we told MIL and BIL about our prior plans, MIL got upset. She didn’t know BIL's real reason for marrying—she thought he was deeply in love and just wanted to get married quickly. She asked why we didn’t talk to BIL earlier, and now she’s frustrated they have to find a new date and rebook everything. There are only four guests invited, including me and my husband.

I told my husband to explain to MIL why we hadn’t asked BIL about his wedding—that BIL seemed overwhelmed and didn’t want to talk about it, so we didn’t think it was a good idea. But my husband said that would mean also telling MIL the real reason BIL is getting married.

I told him I’d rather MIL know the truth than have her think we were being passive about such an “important event,” as she called it. To be honest, it’s hard for me to take a day off and lose income for a wedding that doesn’t feel genuine. I told my husband I don’t think I can stand there and celebrate something that even BIL admitted feels fake—he said saying "I do" feels cringe and like he's lying. I feel the same way.

But now my husband says that if I tell MIL the truth or refuse to attend the wedding, I’ll be the one who breaks the family.