Over the past year or so, I (26F) have been providing emotional support to my best friend (30f) who has felt insecure in her relationship and as a result jealous/competitive/threatened by me. I’ve felt nothing but empathy for her and tried to show up in the ways I thought would help, which at first meant hiding my social media from her boyfriend, being mindful of what I wear when he comes over, basically hiding myself away so that she can be more comfortable. She told me she doesn’t want her jealousy to affect our relationship, so that’s why she comes to me for support with it. That has worked for a while but now I feel a bit used and also tired of being seen as competition or a threat when I’m just trying to build a caring and trusting relationship. I told her I couldn’t support her with that issue any more, because I don’t want to grow resentful. She was very upset and basically told me I had no right to feel badly about how their insecure behavior affects me because I was the one causing it.

I had also let her know I don’t feel as close as we once were, largely due to the lack of support that I receive from her. I’ve told her that when she interrupts me, talks over me, invalidates what I have to say because it doesn’t fit what she thinks, brings everything back to herself without acknowledging me, gives me unsolicited, often dismissive advice instead of empathy - that I feel unheard, not supported. She was responded to that with, “well I’m here to support you even if it’s not the support you need”. I don’t get what that’s supposed to mean.

I feel like an asshole telling her that I’ve hit a limit, but I know it’s necessary. I also feel like an asshole for actually believing that MAYBE it’s not an impossibility to find friends who can listen, want to be curious, and want to cheer me on in my own life versus just tolerate me because they lowkey hate me I guess ?

I’m about to graduate college and I just want to be around others who can celebrate with me and help me take in that I’ve worked very hard for something and get to be proud of myself. I feel like an asshole for really not wanting my friend to be a part of this chapter of my life. I think I deserve joy though, and to do so in places where it won’t make the people around me uncomfortable and upset with themselves

AITAH???