Hi everyone, I want to start by saying that I’m trying to approach this with the most sensitivity and care that I can, which is why I’m afraid to have this conversation with people IRL.

Essentially, my bf (30M) and I (29F) are getting serious. We have started talking about the future, and while we’re on the same page about most things, I’m worried that I’m not equipped to celebrate his culture wholeheartedly.

He is proudly South Asian and I’m East Asian (don’t want to get too specific online) & we’re both 1st gen. I know that he wants to have a very traditional brown wedding, and I’m honestly feeling very overwhelmed at the thought of it.

Our parents are accepting of the fact that we each have our own cultures, but I’m feeling like mine is going to get overshadowed by his. He has the bigger family, community, and stronger cultural ties.

I also think it’s important to mention that I don’t want to do double wedding events. I’m naturally a more private person, so the thought of having to do everything in front of everyone twice feels like a lot. I love him and his culture, but I don’t know if I’m going to be able to do everything to the extent that people expect from us.

I’ve talked to him about it, and I know that it’s his dream to do everything traditionally. But I genuinely don’t see myself getting into the traditional attire or makeup (specifically doing henna). I think it’s beautiful but for me to do it would feel like cosplay.

Essentially, I have no idea how to even mention this to him. I’m terrified that I would be letting him down, and that my potential in-laws would feel disrespected. My mom thinks it’s a fun opportunity to celebrate someone else’s culture but it doesn’t feel authentic to me.

Anyone have any advice for how to navigate this?

(P.S. This also makes me worried that down the road, raising children will also be one big conflict of cultures. Any advice in that area is welcome as well!)