I (mid-40s M) met Carrie (early 30s F) last year on a dating app. After chatting a few times, she told me she was going through a rough patch. She lived about 2.5 hours away, but came to visit, and we had a really good time together. Things got intimate, and after a few more visits, we decided to "bite the bullet" and she moved in with me to restart her life in a place with more opportunities.

At first, it felt like we had something solid. But soon enough, the arguments started—and they got insane fast. She would contradict herself constantly, deny saying things she just said, scream, insult me, and become aggressive. One night during a particularly intense fight, she got in my face, screaming. I pushed her onto the couch and walked away. She followed me, still screaming, and I pushed her onto the bed, swearing and telling her to leave me alone.

The next day, I felt awful. I apologized. She didn’t—she just said I was abusive. I accepted that I was wrong to put hands on her, regardless of what she was doing, and tried to work on earning her forgiveness. I started walking on eggshells—avoiding fights, staying quiet, agreeing with her to keep the peace.

Three weeks later, another argument. This time I tried standing up for myself, and it escalated again. I pushed her once more—this time she punched me in the face, leaving me with a black eye and a cut lip. Again, I apologized. Told her she had every right to hit me. Again, she called me abusive. I felt like I was losing my mind.

After that, I started seeing a psychologist. He’s legit—PhD, former professor—and we’ve been working through my anger issues. I stopped pushing her. I started practicing the tools I was being taught. But nothing changed on her side. She kept gaslighting, making things up, verbally attacking me. If I ever called her out on a lie, she'd explode.

Then this week, I saw messages on her phone from a drug dealer—he sent hearts, etc. She admitted she’s been hiding a meth addiction from me for our entire relationship. She’s apparently a “functioning” meth addict and has been for 10 years. Suddenly, a lot of her past made sense—never holding a job, almost homeless before me, explosive behavior.

She also drinks daily, smokes weed, and says she was using meth 3 times a day behind my back while living with me. And I’ve been blaming myself for everything. For being the "abuser." For pushing someone who was emotionally terrorizing me while high.

I tried to help her quit. She managed 2 days clean, then the lies and aggression returned full force.

Now, I’ve decided to end the relationship. I'm trying to help her find a place to go while keeping things as peaceful and respectful as possible. I don’t want more damage on either side. I’ve offered to stay friends and support her from a distance, but I know I need to prioritize my own healing now too.

I know pushing is never okay—but I’m asking, honestly: AITAH?

Edit: Please indicate if you have encountered a meth addict when responding.