Context:

Recently GF (33F) and I (31M) have both been doing long distance. We've been together for almost 2 years.

Lately we've been having our issues around me wanting more planning, commitment and closing the distance (we could easily close the distance, she just doesn't really want to plan it now), while she feels we're rushing and she (said) she finds herself comfortable in the distance, and that it's easier to sort out or issues (I still don't get it though).

It created lots of tensions around what we both want etc, and I explained clearly my points etc.

She's been for a month in an art residency (she has another side job to sustain). And this + the distance created lots of tensions between us. Because she would plan her own art life and all with care and would make me feel like planning stuff with me is a chore.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not depicting her as an evil person, she could show herself affectionate and intimate from time to time. But living on these crumbs had a toll on my emotional wellbeing and I explained it all calmly obviously, but she always reacts aggressively.

Situation :

So a couple days ago after a long debate about life alignement and me voicing her lack of commitment and communication that ended with me understanding her POV but feeling like grieving an ideal vision of us, I FaceTime her with a bit of hope and cool energy, she just starts complaining about feeling lonely, and how she wants so bad to party and meet people there. (She was meeting people and partying btw, maybe not enough for her needs). These whole conversation hit me like a slap, and I started seeing that we might not be compatible.

A couple days later, she says she needs to stay in her studio to work, she's overwhelmed with work and that she feels distracted by me. I told her obviously to focus and encouraged her to focus on work and not worry about me etc.

Then suddenly she says, the residency guys are throwing a party at 11pm. I kept it on the side a bit, then just said calmly, that honestly I don't feel very comfortable with her going to a party at 11pm with strangers and this is something I'll be hardly be able to sustain long term. Bare in mind I'm a cool guy, never ever tried controlling her or be revolting or anything. It's just a boundary I put: it makes me uncomfortable if our lifestyle includes exploring night parties at 11 with strangers. I also explained why this is tricky and anxiety inducing in the context of our relationship issues and long distance and feelings of lack of commitment on her side.

She goes berserk: you're controlling, so now I need permission, I never limited your freedom, you prefer me to be sad and lonely, you're isolating me from people, this my body I do whatever I want etc etc. All in a rage state and very very aggressively.

I tried my best to stay calm and gentle, expressing what I feel and why I feel this would be hard for me to sustain, I tried to explain analogies to other limits she could have. She couldn't stop but use words like "this is the norm" or "common sense behaviors". I tried to explain that there's no common sense and there's what people can accept or tolerate or not. Otherwise I could also go sleep and flirt with women under the umbrella of "my body my freedom".

We reached a point where I clearly explained that I'm open to discuss and explain and compromise on any things, and do it calmly. She couldn't calm down. Ended up not going and guilt-trip for staying home working.

AITAH