My (22F) mom and I had a pretty big falling out March 2-3 (I forget which date) that ended with me being sent to live with my sister (older, not putting her age, not relevant, not my information to share). Not gonna lie, the cause of the falling out was pretty dumb, but essentially it involved mom yelling at me for telling my sister I got scratched by our mom's cat when we (mom and I) were trying to give him medication. This all occurred the night before I had a test in a pretty difficult class (mom knew about this), and I was already up later than I planned to be (cat had to be given medication at a certain time but he had already been given a dose, I had an early class), and getting yelled at was the last "straw". I got scratched on my face and hand (hand was far worse than face), and I sent my sister a picture of the scratches (it was just to show her like "oh I fucked up, this cat is really wild, also ow"). My sister then texted my mom something about the scratch, and my mom yelled at me for telling my sister about the failed medication attempt before my mom got a chance.

Now, keep in mind my mom NEVER told me not to tell my sister about this. Prior to this, my dad told my sister the cat went to the vet, and my mom didn't. She brought this up while she was yelling at me (falsely taking her anger out at him on me, as she always does). She didn't ask how my scratches were until after she yelled at me (only asked about my face scratch, she claims she didn't know about the hand one even though i literally had blood dripping down my hand and she was able to clearly see it), and by then I was pretty pissed. I didn't say anything about how messed up it was for her to be yelling at me about this, I just went to bed.

Next day, I fail my quiz (can't blame the cat and staying up entirely, it was a multitude of factors, but being tired and still annoyed didn't help any), my sister comes over later to help with the medication, and demonstrates the proper hold (she has cats and was also pre-vet for a while). My mom says "oh I guess we didn't have him tight enough huh" and I didn't answer because she wasn't even the one holding him, I was, and also, no shit. Apparently me not answering was some major slight against her and she yelled at me, literally yelled at me (in front of my sister) to answer. I don't mention the getting yelled at, and try to let it go.

Finally, D-day happens, and it's fairly normal up until night time, when my mom asks me to get her cats water. I'm still pissed about the cat scratches and getting yelled at, I say I will in a bit. She asks me again less than a minute later, and here's where I'll admit I was a bit of an AH - I slammed my phone down on my desk (thank god for OtterBox oof), and I guess she thought I was just hitting my desk or something? and slams the wall next to her in some sort of lame retaliation. I fill her cats water up, and say that they're her cats, she should be the one dealing with them, especially since she was particularly awful when she first got them (long story, she excluded me from what I was told would be a family event because I made a joke about my dad or sister giving me one for my graduation, because I was told one of them would be mine. I know my sister was present when they came home, she literally sent me pictures, and was the only person to do so, since my mom waited two days AFTER they came home to send me anything about them).

Mom then says "I'm not talking to you when you're like this" (again, I was pissed, not proud, I admit fault there), along with "I don't want to talk right now" and I say "of course, you never want to talk to me" (lot of history here, not getting into it). She says "when you're calm I'll talk to you, or I can wake you up at 4 when I'm up if you want to talk". I say fine, do that, go to my room. She literally calls my sister (when she said she didn't want to talk) and talks to her for almost 2 hours. This was sort of a knife to the gut because she has consistently done stuff to "choose" my sister over me and it's been wearing thin for a long time. When she comes out, I tell her "of course you can talk to sister and not me, big shock". And she ignores me. I then say "you know what, never mind, I don't want to talk to you since you clearly care more about sister than you do about me" (I am crying at this point, I cry when I get frustrated/angry). I also try to again explain the whole kitten situation (when I was excluded from that - I had told her before what happened, but she just ignored me, and said "well you'll just have to live with it"), she says "well they're mine and I'm not talking to you about this". I again say "big shock" and end the night by screaming (shouting? All I know is it was definitely loud enough for her to hear, and I apologize to my neighbours, who also probably heard) "you can talk to me when you actually give a sh*t about me".

Next day she doesn't talk to me at all except to ask if I want a cookie (she only asks because my sister was there, she consistently does this thing where she puts on a caring front in front of other people). My sister was the one who had to tell me I would be staying with her for 1-3 days (hi it's been over a month by now).

Now again, I'll be honest, I had a bit of a crash out and I'm not proud, though it was a long time in the making. There were quite a few situations that played into it, but this was just the final straw (being yelled at for something that wasn't my fault, and having her take her anger at my dad out on me).

Apparently though, my mom told my dad that she expects an apology from me. Thing is though, I refuse to apologize because I'm not sorry. I said things that I've been feeling for a long time, and while I have brought this up in the past, my feelings were disregarded or ignored, or I was blamed for how I felt. My sister and dad are pushing ME to contact her, when 1.) she's the parent, and 2.) she's had MULTIPLE opportunities to contact me. For 1, when I had a bad reaction to Neosporin and got a bad rash on my face and blistery bumps on my hand, and 2, when there was a pretty big earthquake a few days ago and instead of texting me to see if I was ok, she got mad at my sister because she didn't immediately tell her my status (my sister was at work bruh, she wasn't with me).

I keep getting told how much mom cares and how she misses me, but all of her actions are pointing to the opposite, yet I'm still being pressured to apologize, reach out, etc. Even though both my sister and dad know my reasons for not wanting contact ever again with mom (again, a lot of reasons, too many to go into now, even this post is too long), and also the reason for my crash out, they're saying it was my fault that all of this happened.

So, AITAH for not wanting to apologize or contact my mom?

I might have to eventually, since she has my passport and birth certificate, and also all my stuff is at her place and I will be moving as soon as I possibly can (end of December, since I need to finish my program), but until I'm forced to, I'm not budging (unless I really am the ahole, then I guess I'll swallow my pride).

Also ultimately my mom ended up not even giving the cat any of the medication because she thought he didn't need it in the end, so I have a fugly scar on my hand for nothing.