I (F24) am still currently living at home but stay over at my partners house a lot, we are planning on moving out this year but financial situation has been tricky.

My mom has struggled with addiction for most of her life, but managed to get clean for the past decade or so. But within the past year, she fell back into a habit, but even worse this time, it’s a crack habit. Im not going to go too much into detail about it all, but to put it simply, she always ends up with no money and has been harassing family members and friends of family to the extent of being cut off from them.

And you’re probably wondering why me or anybody else has tried to get her help, well we have tried, but she’s extremely difficult to get through to and she will not help herself.

So that leaves me being a primary source of a lender. I have lent her money quite a few times in the past, but because of how out of control her addiction is and the stress it’s put on the family, I’ve started to refuse.

Also I feel like the biggest thing for me is how she will react whenever I refuse to give her money. Me and my mom have never had the best relationship, and I feel like I’ve always had a bit of resentment towards her because of my upbringing and how neglectful she was towards me as a child. But over the years, she has gotten a bit better. I think this is why I feel a bit of guilt, because at the end of the day she is still letting me live at home despite me being in my mid 20s and she doesn’t really ask of much else from me apart from money.

But the way she reacts when I refuse to give her money now really really upsets me and I feel conflicting feelings of guilt and anger. I already give her £300 a month for staying at home, so whenever she starts to ask for £30 every few days I know exactly what it’s for. She will act really nice towards me, and this is the signal of the question coming. She will always make up an excuse and say it’s for food or fuel for the car, and will say whatever she can to guilt trip me. But when I refuse and explain to her what happens whenever I do lend her money, she goes absolutely apeshit and will call me every name under the sun and say whatever she can to upset me (which often works).

There has even been a few instances where she has woken me up at like 5 in the morning begging and even borderline harassing me into giving her money, and I have to give in because the hassle is just too much. She has this way to word things into making me feel bad, such as I never help her and that I’m a selfish daughter.

But even though I know she uses tactics to get money from me for drugs, sometimes I do feel like I might be being a bit selfish. Because, sometimes there isn’t food in the house or she doesn’t have petrol, so she could lose her job (yeah I know, I’m shocked she still has one too). And I know that her not having any money is her own fault, but what if I’m being too hard headed to the point where I’ll make her situation even worse?

And today, the vacuum cleaner broke, and she told me that it’s my fault because my hair is too long and when I vacuum my bedroom my hair gets stuck in it and caused it to break. She said she’s having to pay for another one because of this and that made me feel a bit bad but there was a bit of anxiety in me that she was just saying this so she could get money out of me for other things so I didn’t really say much. Then later on, she asked me for £7 to buy a pack of cigarettes, to which I replied I gave her £7 just yesterday and that she told me she would make it last till Monday, then she told me that I always make everything difficult and told me to fuck off and do one. After that, I didn’t feel like giving her anything. She kept asking and when I told her no again, she called me a cnt and that she’s having to pay £100 for a new vacuum because of me and that I’m being tight over £7 and that I never help her and this that and the other. And then started saying that my dad thinks I’m a cnt too because he’s having to pay for himself to go out for his birthday (which isn’t true because me and my partner have already agreed on paying).

But again, I still feel guilty and can’t help but think maybe I’m being too stubborn. I don’t really know what to do, everything just feels too conflicting.