The players for this tragedy are as follows me (f), my bestie/cousin (f), and her mom/my aunt (aka the narcissist (I know that word gets thrown around a lot but legit she’s been diagnosed.))

So my cousin and I live about three hours away from her mom, well she decides to come up and spend time with us on her birthday. Cool. Fine. She is very exhausting to be around. In addition to being a narcissist she’s also a boomer, so the entitlement is strong with this one.

Now none of us are rolling in the money. My cousin is probably the worst off due to the fact she has been off from work due to medical issues, and they are dragging their ass with the short term disability. So when I am down there I help where I can. Now let me be as clear as an unmuddied lake, she does not ask for this money and she does not expect me to give her any money. I just give her the money because I want to help her out and ease some of her stress. Plus there have been times when I’ve been hard up and she’s taken me out or treated me or whatever. That’s just the way we are.

So my aunt comes down, and she starts talking about how broke she is any time my cousin talks about how she is riding the struggle bus. It feels like a competition, but it’s all one sided. I offer emotional support for bestie when I can, and crack snotty sarcastic jokes to distract her mom when shit gets too intense. So yesterday was my aunt’s birthday, instead of going out we stay in my cousin cooks, and we have cake. We don’t have presents for her right then and there, because she’s supposed to be getting the latest iPhone soon, and that’s her present from us. It just hasn’t arrived yet. She knew this.

So today they were taking me back to my place (bestie had come picked me up so my fiance could have use of the car while I was staying with her, no big deal it’s a thing we do) and we decided to go eat. Mind you, this is completely separate from my aunt’s birthday. She knew this. We decide to go to a place about an hour away. I put twenty dollar in gas in my cousin’s car. My Aunt immediately goes “Well you should have put ten in her car and ten in mine!” I don’t say anything, and after a rather awkward pause she apologized and said she was “just playing” Uhuh. sure.

Well we get to the restaurant and immediately she wants me to go ask if they do anything special for birthdays. They sing. Now my cousin and I are not a fan of attention drawn to us, and while, yes her mom was the one being sung to, the spotlight would be on our table. However in order to keep the peace I let our waitress know it’s our money. Food comes out, it’s awesome. Now the check was that my cousin was going to pay for her and her mother’s food, and I was gonna pay for mine. Well my meal ended up being cheaper than what I was expecting, and since our waitress was super sweet and really nice I wanted to leave a good sized tip. I always tip in cash, and the only cash I had on me was four ones and a twenty dollar bill. Rather than go to the hassle of busting the twenty up, I decide “eh fuck it”, and tip the waitress the twenty. I have done it before when I have extra money. Especially at that restaurant because the waitresses there are super sweet and most of them are college students, and I remember what riding that struggle bus was like. I don’t make a big deal out of it, I just put it on the table. Welp my aunt sees it and is immediately like, “You need to give me ten of that and then give ten to the waitress.”

Here is where I may be the AH, I looked at her and said, in a sweet but firm tone, that I was not going to give her any of the money. I felt that the waitress deserved it. So no she was not going to get any of my money. Cue awkward silence, and then after a most pregnant pause my aunt apologizes to me. I wave her off, because I am just sick of the whole affair and am just ready to get done eating and have them drop me off. So, AITAH?

TL/DR: Aunt keeps saying I should give her money, and after she says I should take it from a tip for a waitress, I tell her I’m not going to be giving her anything.