So yeah, the title pretty much says it.. I (29M) refused to help my ex when she hit a rough patch, and now everyone’s acting like I’m the devil..*

Some context: my EX (let’s call her Sarah) and I were together for almost 4 years. It was serious. We lived together, talked about marriage, all that. But towards the end, it got... ugly. She started getting distant, always on her phone, barely interested in anything I had to say. I found out she’d been talking to this other guy behind my back. She swore nothing physical happened, but come on emotional cheating is still cheating.

I was crushed. Like, truly broken for months. Had to rebuild my self-worth from the ground up. Therapy, gym, new hobbies—the whole cliché self-improvement arc. She, meanwhile, moved in with that same guy within two months of our breakup. That was a punch to the gut.

Fast forward to now, a year and a half later. I get this message from her out of the blue. “Hey. I know this is weird, but can we talk?” I ignore it. She messages again. Turns out her relationship with that guy went to hell. He was apparently abusive, she lost her job, had to move out, and she’s now crashing at a friend’s place while job hunting.

She asked if I could help her out “just for a few weeks” since I “always had a kind heart.” Said she didn’t know where else to go.

I straight up told her no. Not even in a mean way, just honest. I said, “Look, I’m sorry you’re going through this, but I can’t be the one to fix it for you.” She got pissed. Said I was being heartless, that she’d always been there for me (lol), and that she couldn’t believe I’d turn my back on her now when she’s at her lowest.

Now mutual friends are split. Some say I’m right, that it’s not my responsibility anymore. Others say I should at least let her crash for a week or help her find something stable, since I “still care deep down.” My own mom (who adored her, by the way) told me I should be the bigger person.

But here’s the thing: I was the bigger person. I didn’t drag her name through the mud when we broke up. I didn’t ruin her life or talk crap about her online. I took the hit, suffered in silence, and rebuilt. And now that she’s finally feeling the fallout of her choices, I’m supposed to swoop in and save her?

Part of me feels guilty. I do. I’m not made of stone. I know she’s hurting. But I also feel like... she made her bed. She left me for someone else, built a whole new life, and now that it crashed, she suddenly remembers how “kind” I was?

Nah, man. That kindness was always taken for granted. I’m not a rehab center for people who wrecked me.

So yeah. Maybe I’m cold. Maybe I should’ve offered some help. But I just couldn’t do it.

AITAH?