Okay, this is really long and there is some? Explanation? I guess. Thank you if you read this and give me advice. So, this happened a while ago but I still think about it even now.

My sister and I were close growing up due to our abusive upbringing, I did my best to protect her from our mum but I could only do so much. We relied on each other and I really loved her, still do I guess. However she and I stopped talking and didn’t speak for a few years until last year when she made contact and I basically took a chance and asked to talk, that I want us to be in each other’s lives again because I missed her. She missed me too and we began talking again which was great.

The problem however was, she told me she was friends with this girl, and this girl was someone who was genuinely horrible to me back in school, to the point I would pretend to be sick to not go to school/leave school early. She really was just cruel, and pairing that with how my mum was acting? My mental health was NOT great, yikes. Anyways, when I reminded my sister about this girl, the first thing she said was, “I wish you didn’t tell me, but she has changed and I’m not going to judge her based on her past.” Okay, I guess. And I want to make clear! Not once, even after this, did I ever say to her I don’t want her to be friends with this girl anymore, I would never say that to someone because regardless of how horrible this girl was to me, I was grateful she was there for my sister. And even though my sister saying that hurt like hell, I pushed it aside because she was more important to me I didn’t want to risk losing her again. I just wanted my sister back. However, I made it clear I did not want anything to do with this girl, keep her away from me. Don’t talk to her about me and I won’t talk to you about her. Basically just leave me out of anything to do with her. My sister promised me that she will make sure to respect that and I was happy with that.

Fast forward a few months, it was going great and my sister and I were just happy to be honest. Until her birthday, now she had been talking about her birthday for a while and telling me about her plans, I mentioned l would be happy to help her set up and all of that, but she changed her plans last minutes and now she was going out, she asked me to go and I asked her who was going? I didn’t know her friends, I didn’t want to go in blind. (I have high-functioning autism. I can handle most situations but socialising with unfamiliar people is something I can’t do well and she knew this.) She wouldn’t tell me who was going? I had to ask her three times until she finally gave me a list, and I realised, oh okay? So this is why she wasn’t telling me. On the list!!! Was that girl she promised I would never have to see. I quickly put my foot down with her and said I won’t be going but that I can plan something for us to make up for it. I also explained why, mentioning that girl and my sister said, “I understand. But will talk later.” I thought, great she understands!! Nope. I later realised that she didn’t understand at all.

So a few days later we end up talking and she basically ambushes me about how I wasn’t going to her birthday, saying, “I understand why, but I was so angry with you.” She was repeating this multiple times, I now think she was just trying to guilt me when I look back on how the rest of the conversation went. I said to her, “I understand why you’re upset but you have to realise why I don’t want to be around your friend? She was horrible to me, she made me feel like shit. That is it? I don’t want to be around her?” And then my sister began making excuses for her! “I know she was a bad person, she was a BAD person but she is a GOOD person now.” And before I knew it, I was saying, “No.” and I kept repeating it, but then she began saying my name in such a condescending way, it pissed me off. So I hung up. And THAT is when she really began to lash out at me.

After I hung up on her, I sent her a message basically saying that I love her but she doesn’t get to decide that someone is a good person now, she wasn’t the one that person treated horribly. Did she acknowledge that message or what she was doing? No. She just began going on about how I “didn’t handle our conversation properly.” Which really mean’t that I didn’t let her have the last say or steamroll me into accepting her opinion, I kept trying to defuse the situation, I still remember how anxious I was feeling?? I remember thinking, “just calm her down, what will calm her down?” She started going on about how, “This isn’t like when we were kids, you’re just not used to me now.” Huh? What? Now I acknowledge I was a brat to her growing up as most older siblings are, but why is she bringing this up, throwing it in my face but her friend! Was actually horrible to me, contributed to my depression and caused me to get counselling and it is, “I’m not going to judge someone based on their past.” She just kept going and lashing out at me. She also kept saying, “This has been dragged out enough” or “I’m actually getting pissed now.” LIKE I WAS THE ONE WHO STARTED IT?? Then later that day, she had therapy, and I think she planned this because after the session she was like, “We need to talk, I need to talk to you.” About??? YOUR BEHAVIOUR RIGHT? No, about my behaviour! I was so incredibly angry at her for trying to make what happened my fault? We decided to have a call but she was saying, “I’m going to talk first and that is final.” I laughed so much! At that, seriously what?? No, she is the one who started this bullshit, I will talk first. And when we called, we both were basically trying to talk over the other.

The phone we both got out emotions out, at the time it was cathartic for me, but then after it I realised just how manipulative she was being. So she,

• Said she was “chill” and was not lashing out at me in anyway and she was actually surprised by how I reacted? Sure. Okay.

• Told me that this girl, who she knows was horrible to me, “Went through worse” than I did with our mum, gave me a sob story about her. I genuinely do not give a shit but I was so emotionally fried that I did not catch it at the time how screwed up it was she said that.

• Told me she forgot about her promise to me? My therapist reframed that sentence to me and said, “Or she just didn’t care enough to remember.” Which yeah, she definitely didn’t.

• Again, said how pissed she was getting, implying that I was overreacting to her disrespect.

• Kept saying her friend wants to apologise to me, no? She doesn’t. If she were genuinely sorry she would have apologised years ago. She was only saying that now because she was being forced to acknowledge her treatment of me. I know my sister knows this apology was for her, not me.

• We did both end up apologising to each other and she promised to not do what she did again, RIGHT before she DID IT AGAIN! Because then she tried to guilt me into going to her birthday with this girl, and tried to get me to listen about how this girl is actually good. Piss off.

After that night, I tried to move past it. My sister even said if there is anything to talk about to tell her and we can talk. The next day I did EXACTLY THAT. Asked to talk to her because I needed to clarify a few things before we put this whole thing to rest, her reply? “I’ve moved on, but I’ll listen to you. I’m chill.” Okay, screw you. She brings up stuff from years ago and expects me to care and listen, but I bring up something from a DAY AGO? I realised she just didn’t care about me, only about herself. So I ended up getting therapy, and it opened my eyes.

Basically, when I was shopping around for a therapist, I ended up seeing some? To find the right one for me and they ALL told me some variation of, “So you know she was manipulating you, right?” Okay that is great. One of them, when I told them I apologised to her, went, “WHAT?” (In a NOOOOOO way, it made me laugh.) Basically, that was the first wakeup call that I needed to cut her off. When I finally found my therapist, she was great and when I told her what my sister did, she was so angry and baffled by it. I began distancing myself from my sister because I didn’t want to lose her yet, I had just gotten her back.

But one thing she did, and I know!! Some might think that I’m just paranoid about this, after she realised I was distancing myself from her, she began posting photos with her and this girl after a year of nothing with her? I don’t know. I think when I opened Instagram up and saw my sister being close buddies with this girl on it, it made me feel horrible and worthless. And knowing she most likely was posting it so I could see it. I don’t know. I realised that, if someone can make me feel like this, then that person isn’t someone I want to be in my life. So I ended up cutting her off two days later, no explanation, I just blocked her on everything. After a lifetime of abuse from my mum, I wasn’t going to take it from her. Especially the manipulation or trying treat someone like shit.

I feel like I have grieved her, even though she is still alive. Anyways. Sometimes I feel like I made a mistake and that I could have worked through it, I was all she had. Even some people close to me are still saying the same. That is why I’m here, I guess. It is better getting advice from strangers because there is no bias attached to it. I don’t really know anymore.

All I wanted from her was to leave me out of her friendship to this person, she didn’t. Instead she was trying to get me to accept this person for her own sake. I miss her, I just wish she cared enough to respect what I went through but maybe I did overreact by cutting her off.

I guess, I thought, well she isn’t going to defend me? So I’ll just leave then. I didn’t want her to choose between myself and her friend either, but judging by her actions I guess I already knew she had chosen the friend, so I just left. Didn’t want to fight over something that was just going to hurt me.

Will appreciate the advice, I really do just want advice. Thank you for reading if you read this far and sorry if it got really messy near the end in terms of writing. Also she and I are both in our 20s if that makes any difference. Thanks.